~World of Loner~

Mixed feelings.

2012-02-12T03:25:00.001+08:00

Well normally when i blog i will look through my previous post and then update from there. Today, since I am very tired already, i shall just blog about a few important things that happened in my life recently.

Yesterday, i just back from a 5 day cruise. Well, conclusion is that, i still don't really fancy going overseas, but i prefer cruise than other kinds of travel (by plane basically haha). Well i has this chance to go with relatives and these 5 days we really had lots of laughter. To me honest, there were quite a few things which i am not very happy but yea, i think i should not be stubborn and hang onto the 'flaws'. Overall, i'm happy=)

2 things i learnt from cruise.
1. You can only be truely happy when you can let go of all reservations. The people on the dancefloor are a good example.
2. Happiness is contagious. I was sitting at the poolside looking at peole dancing. And the next thing i know is that i was smiling.

Today went to yining's house for a gathering. Had a pretty good time there and i enjoyed the company, except that it was quite lame and awkward at times. Its a pity that i can't stay long because i need to go over to ah ma house to celebrate ah ma's birthday.

Went to ah ma house straight after that. It was full of people. Actually i didn't have the intention of going at all. Auntie MK called me in the morning whole going to work, so i went. Haha yes she has a important place in my heart. So i will think twice when she ask me to go hahaha. Uncle WK said i was 大牌 hahaha. Well it was rather pleasurable but my aunt SK said something which made me damn speechless. She said to my small cousin, "我只有你们两个孙＂. Well she excluded me and my brother because we were from my mother's side. Well, I am quite used to it because it has been so many years, but the fact that she said it so openly made me feel dumbfounded. We are already such a small family and you are still calculative over such things? Are you trying to tell us that we are not part of your family? She has the same mindset as my ah ma. And an similar episode took place during cny.

Well well, Sad things aside, my aunties, which are supposed to be more distant relatives actually treats me as if i am one of their family member (to be exact, like their own child/sibling). And my 2 dearest uncle wk and uncle ws totally treats me like their own daughter. Uncle wk said, "小舅是最疼你的＂. It almost made my heart melt. Well if you have been reading my blog for years, u would have known that uncle wk is someone whom i have always deeply respected and feared. He has always felt very distant to me. But recently, he did things that caught me by surprise and i actually felt closer to him. I felt good when he puts his hand across my shoulders. Hahas anyways we had a good time drinking, eating and playing cards. Details? Don't think anyone will be interested. Haha so not typing anymore. Anyways we made auntie sk so angry but nvm, thats her, the rest are happy =)

I am blessed to be showered by all the love. It actually came to me as a conpensation that my auntie sk, ah ma and parents didn't give me.

Disclaimer: there are a lot of people who dotes me too but today i am only touching on a few. Hahaha.

Oh btw, now i have a very troubled thing on my mind. Don't want to say here and i am not very interested to share it with anyone. I am prepared for all outcomes. I am just telling u this to ask you not to intimidate me! I get irritated easily ok!

Ok tmr got work. Shall sleep now.

New year, new post

2012-01-04T03:54:00.000+08:00

Everyone is typing their reflections at this point of time. Alright maybe it was already done years ago and i am only starting it now. Let me do it for the past 2 years together. I don't really like to call it reflection so i will just make this a time where i am more expressive. People who know me knows I am not expressive, and I am often termed weird.

Well the past 2 years can be said to be the most interesting 2 years of my life. With all the changes i went through, all the mess I got myself into, all the super fun times I had with my friends. And I have to admit, I have grown a lot, and I am much more mature now. Take note: that doesn't mean i was immature ah, I was already mature 2 years back. (Hahas my ego doesn't allow people to see me as immature) Now I am to think back my past 2 years i suddenly feel very old hahaha.

The first time I step into the Junior College

I still remember the day i went back to Nan Chiau to get my results. Didn't have high hopes. Considering my hideous prelim results, my aim for O levels was only 17 points? At that time, i was only thinking to just squeeze in to a jc then see how it gets. After that it turned out that i got 11. All my grades came as a surprise to me. Although a few disastrous ones hovers around, but who cares. After that went for the different orientation of various jcs. Went to nyjc, cjc, ajc and mjc. Out of so many jcs, the one that gave me the best feeling was AJ. Couldn't care much about how rundown the building maybe, couldn't care about their grades, couldn't care about anything. All I know is, I feel good about it. Although there were voices Telling to go elsewhere, i didn't care. The final decision was made when my uncle WK told me he couldn't get it last time and he told me to try. I feel that fufiling his dream was a good thing. That was when i decided to click submit. 2 years later, I am here, telling everyone reading this, my feeling was correct and the decision couldn't be any better.

Oh. Anyways, there is something I got to admit. At first, i didn't feel good about me in that school at all. Somehow i feel that i couldn't integrate myself in. Especially the time when I am in my Orientation Group (OG). I don't know why but i always feel very bored and I cannot really communicate with the people in there. For that 5 days i sort felt quite restless la. Then after that i finally managed to merge in a bit and then we were broken into classes again. I was damn sian I tell you. It is like now i have to spend don't know how long to meet a group of unknown peopl whom I think I won't be able to communicate well with. Haha I am a person who hate change. That was the period that kept pushing me out of my comfort zone. All the unknowns and uncertainties just makes me feel so insecure.

Ok i think its time i talk about the marvellous class. You know sometimes I really think that this class is really amazing. We anyhow got put together, and then we anyhow make friends, then we anyhow became good friends, went through ups and downs, and now its been 2 years! 2 amazing years leh.

I still remember stepping into the class, seeing 23 unfamiliar faces. There was one face which was familiar. That was jacob's because that is my primary school mate. However it doesn't make much of a difference because the both of us did not really talk before? I can't exactly remember who was the irst person i talked to in that class, but it doesn't matter because it is not that important haha. Somehow I got into a clique of 4 with JinYue, Shaya and Loshana. Until now, 2 years later, i still can't find the reason why the 4 of us got together. Maybe that is what is meant by fate. And this is also the first time in my life I actually made goos friends of other races. I finally managed to integrate into the multi-racial society. Although I got a bad habit that I will speak chinese in front of that, but i felt that my english had improved quite a lot, and a significant part is because of them. I felt that i do love the class alot, but it wasn't all the while like that. Last year, i was always very busy with my cca stuff and often couldn't be with the class. Sometimes, i even feel so separated. I remember Loshana telling me, "Aiya its only a while only what, all the morning assemblies, mass civics lessons and concerts." To the others it might be nothing, but to me, it means a lot. All those times I missed. I could have just sat there happily an chat with my classmates more. I love talking to them. Even if i don't talk, just sitting there and listening to them already makes me feel so good. It was until last year around the last quarter of the year where i got a little closer to the class that i realised how it should be. During our Service Learning project, I felt that actually it is so nice when we all actually come together, with the same goal. After that, I told myself I got to be part of the effort in pulling everyone together. I seriously couldn't do much, considering how my CCA tortures me, and I am not the class leader. All i could do is hang out more with the rest and organise more outings. After one year of trying (not my effort, i would credit it to Jhia Hao and some of the teachers), i really saw how people merged together and I do have a handful of close friends. I was termed multigang after that because i seem like i have lots of clique. Well its a good thing because you can pull people together but some people may not see it this way. I have my 3 little pigs gang, i have my friday night dinner gang , i have the lunch after school gang, the tried to study together but failed gang, and the always go out gang (changes every now and then haha). Many of them have totally different personalities and i have a totally different way of dealing w every of them, and i really enjoy their company (although i feel very tired sometimes). Now that its all come to and end (I mean school), I won't hope that the class will continue to participate in class outings (anyways i am tired of organising and i doubt i will be doing that anymore), but i do hope the few close ones will still hang out and keep in contact.

Next lets talk about CCA. Again this is also the most interesting CCA i have ever been too. I am not that close to my CCA, so i shall keep this part short. Well, it has been a challenge for me, having to handle all the problems that might surface anytime anywhere, all the weird requests, all the nasty teachers, the manpower problems and stuff like that. It taught me a lot on how to handle all kinds of crisis in a calm manner, and i really stepped out of my comfort zone. Sometimes I felt so tired that it made me wonder if life would be better if i were to stay in council. But i have never regretted my decision to go AVA. Although I have to make many sacrifices for it, i still think it is worth it and now i am actually very willing to go back and help. Oh i just remembered, it also helped me discovered what I actually like to do.

The past 2 years, I actually got a lot closer to my parents because I learned how to cherish the kinship amongst ourselves. For friends, I also started to learn to interact more and initiate. Although I am obviously not doing a good job, but at least it made me realise how important it is. In the years to come, I will continue to improve on that and trust me, i will become completely different, a much better friend.

Last thing I actually wanted to talk about is my first time experience working. I think i would want to talk about it in the next post but what i want to say is, it was fun and i like it a lot.

The past 2 years was a great turning point to me, in many aspects. I hope in the years to come i will still be able to see me change for the better.

Last thing. I will write down my resolutions for this year.

1. To get results hood enough for me to enter university

2. To become a better person in terms of lifestyle and character, mentally and physically.

3. Hopefully I will be able to make all the people around me ( friends and family) happy.

The others i cannot think of anythong now but lets just leave it till then. I know i am a boring person but look out for my next post.

Stretching us beyond our limits

2011-10-08T00:02:00.000+08:00

Well I am going home from dinner with the 3 girls (jolie, shihui and adeline) and while waiting for my bus I decided to type this blogpost. Very long since I blogged, so I expected this to be quote a long post. Actually many times I in school, I actually started typing some things, but I decided to stop blogging either because it is not very convenient or I changed my mind. I think its like my 'wanted to say something but changed my mind halfway so nothing' character. Haha. Before typing I think I really got a million words to say but after I started typing I am sure I will forget quite a lot of things so ya, we will see how it goes la hahaha.

When was the last time I blogged? Cannot remember and cannot be bothered to check because it is very convenient to check while I am typing on my iPhone. But I think it is not long after prelim. Well many many things happen and struck me, good and bad, fast and slow...

Prelim results. Don't want to say too much because I seriously never liked to talk about it. In short, it sucks, not much improvement as much as I can see. Will provide statistics after I get my results slip ok. Then I shall analyze what nonsense I have been doing for the past 1 and a half years ++. Haha. Many people in our class did improve, be it a little or a big leap. The sad thing is, I think it is quite worrying for some people, like regina. I am not trying to say anything bad about her, but as get friend, I feel sad for her too. She is very protective of herself so she don't reveal much of herself to others, but I know how it feels la. I am not smart, so I cannot say, eh come I teach you. All I can do is, study with her lo. That day civics (talk about this behind) she wrote on my paper that she sort of enjoy the time we studied together during myct, so since she like it, yea why not just do it, if it helps her in any way. I talk like I no need to worry about myself at all right. Actually I am quite worried about myself, but I came to a conclusion that worrying is no use at all, I am 18 years old, I should know best how to help myself at this time(talk about this later also). Hahas well, my point is, we are in the same boat, if anyone's side of the boat is leaking, I should help to mend it if I have the means to, even if it is just scooping out the water(if you get what I mean).

Ok recently is the get back results and emo period. It is also the teachers last chance to nag period lol. So everyone gets back their results, heaves a big sigh, and then black face. Well, I think all this is sort of inevitable, even I can't help because as much as I want to hide, it some how comes out. Haha well i got over it though. Teachers are also sort of like nagging. Mr lee, very nice teacher, trying to tell us that a level paper is much easier so no worries, trying his best to teach us everything he can but half the time I lose focus in 5 minutes time? Mrs Sudhir, doing one of the usual things that she always asked us to do, but also constantly telling us to press the panic button if we are not panicking. Mdm Tay, less scary now, with advices almost every lesson she comes but her sarcasm can be really insensitive sometimes, but somehow the class is appreciative of her efforts. Mrs Agnes Wong, a very nice teacher, coming in and telling us nicely to focus. Lastly, mrs Maggie Wong, our pd tutor, who nags at us almost everyday, every lesson. I think her efforts comes as a joke or go unappreciated sometimes, but I truly appreciate all her efforts, although sometimes I do not like the way she do some things. Having said all these I come to a point. Impression is very important. I have been a very slack students to all my teachers and they think that I did not study at all. Come on la last time I really never study so you want to say i deserve it I don't care, because serves me right. But nowadays I did studies right. Don't know why teachers still think the same way. Haix. You see Regina. She really is very hardworking, and teachers all know that so every teacher wants to help her. So that is what impression do to you see... That is also one of the reason why some teachers are biased. Seriously none of my subject tutors will like me, because my impression to them is that I don't study. Haha. I am not intending to change that impression purposely, because I don't study just to make my teachers happy. No matter what they think, I still have to study lol. Anyways, some of the guys still seems like they are slacking, I don't know whether it is real or fake, bur yea, I just wish that everyone can start their engine and chiong for this last lap. Mrs Wong gave me a shock yesteday. A good one though. I know she is nice, but I just don't like the fact that she is biased.

Wanted to talk about 2 more things but I am very tired alr. So I guess i shall continue tmr when I am
Having study break.

2 days already...

2011-09-30T00:10:00.000+08:00

This is the second day that I didn't really study. Lost the momentum yesterday and I swear I am gonna get it back tomorrow. Guess I shall just study gp by reading newspaper later. These days my days are weird. One moment this person can make me so happy but the next moment someone might just step onto my landmine. Maybe it is just ne having mood swings, but as a extremely stubborn person, I will insist on saying I am very normal and I am not having moodswings. Haha

In 5 minutes time, it will be 38 days left to the start of A levels. Judging by the depth of my knowledge and my prelim results, I think I will have to work doubly harder than the present. Although I have not specifically gotten a goal in the next phase of my life, but I do think I know how I want to go about doing it. I've always aimed high, but as time goes bymy confidence level falls drastically. I am not sure how much I can do, but I guess I'll just have to keep on trying. Anyways I still have more than a month ( I am being very optimistic here). I have a rough plan in my head and it looks really flawless and it's very hopeful that I get to meet my target. Hover, given the fact that I a person who hates getting restricted, especially by a timetable, it seems very unlikely that I will follow it for just a long period of time. Nevertheless, I'll just keep going, because you never know, sometime different might just happen this time. I don't want to retake A levels, because I don't want to lose face in front of my relatives and I don't think I will want to go through this thing again.

I haven't gotten back all my results yet, but so far it doesn't seem good at all. When I say that it means it's bad haha. Well, comparing to the mid year common test results, it seems like the standard is almost the same, so far I have not seen a drop. I think that is one of the more encouraging thing for now.

I am merely typing this to motivate myself. Hopefully it will serve as adding some fuel to my engine to get it starting. 38 more days. Just get pass it.

Less tv (much be much much lesser), midnight oil, keeling fit (from Saturday onwards haha), notes, practices, music..... All ready. Now I just need to wait for the wind to trigger everything!! Yea!!!

I think I shall not study today..

2011-09-28T23:12:00.000+08:00

My day in school was a fun one. Hang out with Hari most of the day, went out for lunch with a wonderful bunch of people to kfc... Quite bad because many of them went because of me haha. Well we had a fun time. Mock gp was a bit of a waste of time, bit I still put in the effort to finish my essay ok. Paper 2 totally sucks because I cannot do a Single question. Die.

Shall not talk about results because I hate talking about it and this is a very sensitive period for me.

Came home had dinner, and slacked abit. Then I was thinking about something and I was damn pissed off. Maybe it is lack of sleep. The fact that I have been sleeping for about 5 hours a day makes me pissed off.

I feel treated like a backup. I am not obliged to answer to you ok you idiot. I hate being treated like that. When I happy, I go out have all the fun I want, I mug my guts out and I totally forget about you. When I am in a bad mood, I very bored then you come to my mind. Wow thanks ah. I talk you must listen. You talk, I ignore you if I like. This made me think of something again. 人不为己,天诛地灭。Recently, this phrase keep surfacing. I don't know why. I just hope that it's just me thinking too much.

Well I don't care anymore. Someone told me before, if you want to make friends, you should put behind all unhappiness and give them total trust and respect. I believe all my friends deserve my total respect and trust. So I will still come to the same conclusion (I just needed to complain and let out some air), I trust my friends.

A levels is coming in like 40 days. Or is it 39? Not studying is not a very good thing... Shall at least go study a bit...

Well let's grow up....

2011-09-27T17:53:00.002+08:00

Today I had bad morning. It made me feel a bit disturbed, but come to think of it, It was my fault. I have gotten over it (at least a little bit), reflected upon my foolishness and decided to make a change.

First lesson today, chemistry lecture. Was sitting at the balcony with JinYue, and we lost focus after 2 questions and started talking away. Mrs Wong was watching behind all along. Then, naturally, after the lesson, we were called out, given a good telling off (a very soft one though). The thing that I was not very happy about is that I got most of the arrow and I was indirectly blamed as the one who started everything. Is it because that I have bad results so I will be the one who started everything bad? Yes I was very not focus in class a few months ago and I kept talking away. In the past few months, I stopped disturbing other people and decided to do my own things. Then she said I was not listening. I was discussing other chemistry questions with my friends and she again has something to say. What to do... Well I was complaining to the rest and then there was some advice from my friends. "Aiya you just try to listen to her la, prove to her that you are a good student." She nags, and she likes to shoot people indirectly. Most of the time, the arrow is pointing towards me.

Well, I know it is my fault that I keep talking and cannot stay focus (and this makes me think that I have ADHD). What she said is also true, I shouldn't keep disturbing others and I at least try to listen to what the teachers have to say right. If I never open my ears to listen I will not learn anything. Just like how I have not been trying for the past.... I have no idea how long was that.

Although I was a bit infuriated just now, but I must remember, for the past 1 year plus, how hard Mrs Wong tried to drill some things in us, trying to get us to work harder, trying to bond our class. She once made me very happy too. There was this once just before promotional exams, she came to me, and asked me, 'Do you need any consultation?' After that day, I promised I will never say I hate chemistry again. Until now, as much as I could remember, I did not say it at all. Well, I think I owe her an apology, for the unsatisfying behaviour I have been giving her. So I decided, from today onwards, I will try my best to listen to her and stay focus. Eh wait, not only her, for all lessons and lectures alright.

Disclaimer: Cannot blame me if I ever lose focus ok, you know I cannot focus for too long.

I do not have much days left to show her my sincerity, but I will still try, even if I have 1 minute left. I know some bad impression are hard to change, but I do not have much of a choice, as it was my wrong from the start. Sorry Mrs Wong.

23/09/2011

2011-09-23T00:45:00.000+08:00

23/09/2011
45 days left to A levels

16 school days
Average 4 hours of study per day
Total time: 64 hours

30 non-school days
Average 8 hours of study per day
Total time: 240 hours

Total time for study for school and non-school days: 304 hours
Average time for each subject: 60hr 48 min

Subjects:

1. General paper
-30 mins of research everyday
- 1 content paragraph everyday
- 1 full essay
- 1 compre

2. Physics
- Superposition
- Lasers and Semiconductors
- electromagnetism and electromagnetic induction
-quantum physics
- nuclear Physics

3. Chemistry
- nitrogen compounds
- periodicity
- group 2
- group 7
- transition
- memorize all organic reactions
- memorize energetics reactions

4. Mathematics
- p and c
- Probability
- binomial and poisson
- normal
- approximation
- hypothesis testing
- regression and correlation
- complex
- vectors
- differential equation

5. Economics
- read everything!!!
- able to write out main points

This will be the plan for the next 22 days =)

Well I was just doing some preliminary planning for my revision timetable and this is what I came out with. I've decided that. I will try this out for a few days and see how it goes from there. If it doesn't work, then we will execute plan B. By the way, this Plan will apply once I open my eyes the next time.

I just realized I destroyed many things with my own hands.

2011-09-19T00:27:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about this fir a very very long time but it is until today that I decided to blog this out. If I were to blog this out, I don't know how many more people will hate me, and I will lose more things. Shall I publish this post? Hmm... Let me think about it... Anyways I still have some time before I have to press that 'publish post' button.

I am a very lucky person, very good life, being blessed by many things, by many people. My family, my friends... But it seems like I have never cherished things well enough... I think I am old. I don't think I can afford to lose anything anymore. With this post, I shall make a pact to myself that I will cherish everything with greatest gratitude and I will also give back just like how much I was given, just like how aj taught me, non mini solum.

Hmm how should I start? I never ask myself what are my flaws or what are my strengths. I clearly know myself very well, but sometimes I just live in a state of self denial. I have been in that stage for 18 years. More than that actually, considering that my birthday has past for more than 8 months now. So today, I will just list everything that my brain has stored and can be extracted.

I always tell myself I have very little friends. Someone told me well, I don't need a lot of friends, I just need close ones. Well I know very well that was true, but I also believe in having a very sociable life. It just proves how well you interact with the people around you, how popular you are...things like that.

Well because I have finally decided to publish this, so the content will be censored haha... Yes I am a coward.

Oh well, I am a person who don't initiative. That is the reason why I lost contact with almost all my primary school friends. Well actually I wanted to say all. However, I met up with a few in jc and I have one primary school friend who is my classmate. Felt very weird at first but now we're on kite good talking terms. For secondary school, I'm still in contact with some, but there's a lot of drifting apart. It's entirely my fault, like seriously. Well, what happens when you do not forge strong bonds with people is that the relationship breaks immediately. For relatively strong friendships, it still can withstand some tension but we should all know that there's a breaking point for everything. I can see the ship having a hole there, and I think what I need to do is to mend the hole and there shouldn't be any titanic.

I lost my stapler that day. The reason why I lost it is because I was keeping my stuff in the dark which panicking and it got stuck in the middle of my chem file. I made a big fuss out of it and that made me realize how I love my stapler. Well I know it sounds like a big joke to you but it made me learn a lesson. I have so much feelings even for a non living thing, can't I feel anything about the people around me? Have I took everything for granted? Yes I did.

My family, meaning my parents, my brother and my relatives who love me, have showered me with a lot of care and concern. Deep down my heart, it is really filled immense gratitude, and I always tell myself, when I grow up, I will treat them like just how they treat me. I think there is something missing there. In order to repay what they have given me, it does not necessarily mean I have to give them money (just an example), and it doesn't mean I have to grow up. Actually right now, I can do it already! What if it is too late? ... (thats all I will say for this)

Next, my friends. I think I have already forgot that I have more than one group of friends. Now all the time I spent with is my jc friends, and I neglected my secondary friends. How?

I think I am an idiot. Many times, you SMS me, I will just see then forget about it and in the end didn't reply at all. When you call, I don't pick up, that's about it. Very rarely I will return the call. That's the case even for my parents. Recently I got scolded very badly my piggies and I have been keeping a conscious effort to reply all my messages. Praise me if you notice the effort ok haha. Ok I'm guilty of this. I will try to change alright.

Also, if you notice I hardly take the initiative. My analogy, you only go and talk to that person when you have or thing to tell. Nothing to say don't disturb. Idiot right, that's probably the reason why I lost so many friends.

Ever since I went to jc, it made me realize how friends can be so significant in your life. Well I am a loner. Many people know this, I can just live on my own. No problem at all. That's my pattern. I like to spend time with myself, I don't like to bother other people, I don't like that feeling of 'I owe that person'. However, I also enjoy company. It's fun to have friends beside you, to talk and laugh... I never said I don't like company... Maybe the reason why I decide to be loner is that I am trained to be independent from young. I'm not used to being dependent on others. I never like.

Well today I will make an agreement with myself. From today onwards, I will cherish everything in my life as if it is a part of my and I will cherish everyone around me as if they are my family. Well, my family can only be family, because that's like that closest relationships can get. I will also take initiatives and I will do my very best to make sure everyone around me is happy. The rules and regulations will apply from Bruno Mars' 'count on me'.

How fortunate we are.

2011-09-18T08:30:00.000+08:00

I was just reading the time magazine. It was the September 26 issue.

There was this slum in Kenya which Kenya. Do you have any idea how it happened? A cigarette butt fell into some burst fuel pipeline and then...

God bless them.

Good and bad news for prelims

2011-09-11T01:57:00.000+08:00

Ok finished ranting so let's talk about something else.

For the past week, from Tuesday, I have been trying all sorts of methods to get myself to study harder. The good news, I finally picked up momentum and now I am in study mood already. Not as in I can mug like crazy, but if I tell myself to study, I just get into it automatically, no warming up, no procrastination. The bad news, only 1 day left already:((

Seriously I am very very not prepared for prelims. And seriously who will care about you? My parents, they will only say 考不好你就知道. And I confirm will 知道 one. Relatives, they will only say wah 考试Liao ah? Obvious right, Not constructive at all, only got some who gives me some verbal encouragement, and seriously that is all I need. Friends, all mugging alr seriously who got the spare time to think about you la. As the saying goes, 人不为己，天诛地灭. Eh I am not shooting at any particular person here ah... Everyone got to care about their own grade first right. Even if they want to care about you, you dare to bother them meh? Haix... Yea let's face the reality, The person that you can only depend on for your whole life is yourself. that's why I still like to be a loner, if there's no real need, I try to do things on my own. I sense the need for independence since young. or rather should I say I have been trained....

So that's why I told myself I must do something... Although it is not
Like I study 12 hours a day, but I think these are significant improvement. Well prelims look bleak but I will still have in mind what I always believe in, just do it, do not give up until the paper is finished. Even if really dunno also can write something...

Hopefully this shows that I am on my path to Uni...

Very tired Liao.. Sleeping liao bb

When everyone has the wrong idea I get pissed off.

2011-09-11T01:36:00.000+08:00

Wah I just got pissed off by my mum so I decided to blog about this.

You know the whole world really thinks that me and Jhia Hao got some... Yea that one.

Wah why can't some people just believe me and understand me? Even my parents think so and these few weeks my mum keep asking me about him, although she don't know his name. What the shit la. I told them about this because I expect them to understand but... Wah I damn angry... It's like everyone betray my trust on them like that. Keep shooting indirect questions trying to hint something... Only don't dare to ask the most important question only right. I will freak out on my parents one day I tell you. Argh. To think I believed in them.

Well I may look like I don't give a damn when others say but I don't like ok.

Firstly my 脸皮 very 薄, so I expect what others say about me to be good stuff... if you not close to me you say I alr very not happy Liao. If you close then keep saying I will go like -/:;($&@""_>¥•=^#\_!!!! (actually I dunno what that means haha)

Secondly, I never like this kind of thing... When I say this kind it means this kind of relationship or love love kind of thing...

Lastly, it just sucks. TO THE CORE............

Finish ranting, shall blog about studies on a separate post.

Joy or disappointment? I need to create a miracle.

2011-08-22T23:06:00.001+08:00

Well... For easier blogging, I have set up this email function which allows me to type my blogpost on my email inbox and then send to blogger, then it will automatically post on blogger. I have no idea when this thing was created, but I only got o know it like last week and I think this is damn cool! Don't say I am a mountain tortoise ah. Well, it is don't know how many donkey years since I blogged, and since I feel very heavy on my heart, let me just rant a bit here and make some resolutions to get myself started on work.

Actually wanted to talk about something else, but I think I shall just zoom in straight on school, since I don't want to waste a lot of time.

Ok let's talk about school life first before academics. Well my cca leader life ended on July and then I have officially washed my hands off Ava. However due to different reasons, I will still need to have a few occasions where I need to commute myself to Ava. My teachers are worried about this, but I know, if I were to study hard enough, committing that few days is not a problem at all. However... (touch on this later). The jc1s have officially took over and I think that they are not doing a good job at all. It is really heart Wrenching to hear the Ava name that we painstaking built up come down. Ava is like my fruit of labour, my Company or whatever you call It. You Ask me to wash my hands off Totally? Impossible. All I can do now is to give them all the advice that I can and watch them grow. I cannot hold their hands anymore. However, I believe that it is just because they are not brushed up enough.

Next thing that bothers me, the stupid cip records. My cip records are lacking of 150 hours and now they are like telling me there are alot which i cannot claim. Does that mean that we slogged for this unfairness? I dun mind not claiming you know, cos I already have enough, and I didn't do it purely for cip Hours. But cip hours is an incentive that we promise all members, and those who have not enough hours could not claim it now. Isn't it very unfair? And zhiying is telling me The teachers refuse to recognize because of discrepancies. What do mean by that? Didn't we keep records of all cip hours and events that we did? So if there is any discrepancies, can I say that it is because of his fault that he is not doing a good job? Well seriously cannot be bothered anymore. Whatever hours I get I really dun give a damn. I just want to finalise it then settle the sgc alright.

Class... Interesting enough we got all sorts of people, muggers, slackers, closet muggers, work and play balance ppl... You can find all sorts of people. I really find that I spent very good and happy times with them. However, as A levels come nearer, there are more and more people who are becoming hardworking... Sometimes when I say go out to eat and everything, they will be like don't want I want to mug. Although I feel unhappy that I got rejected, but I can fully understand why they are doing this. Jiayous everyone... Oh something that I am very unhappy about, the rumors about me and jhia Hao. As far as I know it, practically the whole school knows about it, considering both of us are quite exposed because of the positions we hold in our cca and class. I'm not sure whether this has spread to other schools, but I have hears friends from other schools asking me which makes me want to roll my eyes totally. Well, I need to declare something. I am not together with Jhia Hao. We are just Very good friends. If you are interested to know anything about us, come ask me directly and don't gossip behind me cos I really dun like it. The thing that bothers me the most is that the whole class is talking about it, especially those who are quite close to me. I shall not name who haha.

I know I do have a lot of complains, but I really love school. I love my classmates, I love my schoolmates, I love my teachers, I love the school, despite it being old, I love everything. Non mini solum. That is what makes MMMMYYYY Ajc so unique. Haha. I have never regretted going, not once. The only thing that I regret is that someone is not in the same school as me.

Last thing, academics. actually that is the main point of this whole post. Ok let's start. There is only 20 days left to prelims and I won't even say I al 50% prepared for it. Well seriously I am determined to do much better that myct, at least all passes. I need a miracle because I am not studying hard enough. I can be very guai today and study and tmr, the day after tomorrow, I will slack. This is my pattern. I don't know why I am like that but I have to do something about it. Studying together with other people is quite hard because seriously I am a distraction. I have decided that I will not be a bad influence to my friends anymore. Instead, I will be a good influence. Studying the same thing w friends is definitely a good way but it will never work, definitely. Actually I was thinking of asking someone to monitor and make sure I study everyday but I think I should drop the idea because I don't want to trouble anyone. How how how? Well, all I can do is tell myself jiayou, keep on trying. My whole family is like looking up to me to put on a good show and go to university next year. But from what I see now, it is just mission impossible. And that's what I thought for o levels Too. But I truly understand this is a totally different case. But well, I still have time... But I need to have ideas on how to keep myself studying constantly... If you have any ideas come and tell me ok haha. Tmr I must start studying hard again.

K la l think I should stop ranting here... Cannot say too much things haha. I go do homework then sleep Liao.

Testing 1 2 3

2011-08-17T22:30:00.000+08:00

Yo I am testing out this email function

My days of mugging

2011-06-25T18:33:00.002+08:00

Well, as usual, its been such a long time since I blogged, simply because I am lazy. Let's see how long I will take to type this post today. Now the time is 1836.

Hmm where shall I start? Ok I decided that I shall just blog about june holidays. Well, term 2 ended amidst all the busy things and it is probably one of the last busy times.

For my CCA, I have nothing much already. Everyone out there is talking about stepping down and stepping down, but frankly speaking, there is no such things as stepping down. Haha maybe thats the good and bad thing la.

Let's see... The few things I am left with for my CCA:

1) The Festival Of Life Workshop on 5th July (Until now nothing is really settled and I am very frustrated. The stupid proposal, the logistics, the presentations. Well, I have already done whatever I can for the time being and the other things will be left until exams is over, immediately once it is over.)

2) Handing over which is quite tedious because there is quite a lot of things (the AVA handbook which is undone (will complete after exams), the documents, the things that I still have with me, and my unfinished wishes haha)

Other than these, there will be not much things other than helping out during classes or mass civics.

First 3 days of June holidays, there were lessons here and there and as usual its was a waste of time for some of them. Then after that, studying started off slowly and steadily (until now still slowly and steadily though hahaha). I wouldn't say I didn't mug. Seriously I did, but I don't think it was good. If I were to spend more time and study without tv, it would have been much better. Well, I think its already good progress that I have almost consistently studied throughout the holidays, and I would like to thank the few people who pushed/encouraged me to study.

Disclaimer: these names are in no particular order ah.

1) My 3 Little pigs (JinYue, Shaya and Loshana)

Haha they didn't really say or do anything to encourage me to study. Being in the same "clique" as them, I can be considered as the dumbest. Everytime they always mug and mug and mug, then i slack and slack, somehow I feel that I need to study so that I won't lag behind them too much. This MYCT, surely I will still be the lousiest, but then I hope the gap won't be too much of a difference.

2) Regina

Always asking me to go school to study, although it is quite slow at times, but if I stay at home, probably I won't be doing anything at all.

3) Jian Hern

I know he wouldn't like this name but I still will name him the Super Mugger haha. You know he is really serious about work and studying with him gives you the silent motivation that you need to mug. He's a really cool person but sometimes I think he need to put down the work and go out to play with us. Haha sorry I am a bad influence.

4) Jhia Hao

Always asking me to go out and study also. I also don't know is I help him or he help me, but yea studying with him is cool at times. But sometimes we just got so distracted and stopped studying.He has got more discipline than me definitely, and he can study himself if he want to. But yea, he has got too much things happening in his life that stops me from studying.

5) Siew Yan

Although we're distance apart, but the message with all that quotes and words of encouragement did give me the "push". Thanks man.

6) The teachers like Mrs Maggie Wong and Mr Jeffery Toh

Their nagging and pushing made me study to a certain extent also, although I find it irritating and frustrating

Err I cannot think of anyone else at this moment. Will add on if I think of anyone else. Sorry If I miss out anyone.

Hahas this holiday is a considerably balanced one. More tilted to the playing side though. I watched quite a lot of movies ah. Er, first it was kungfu panda 2, then it was X men first class, lastly it was hangover II. The number of times I go out also quite a lot. Dinner with ex 4F people, dinner with my 2G family, going out with current friends, class gathering and stayover. That night of madness where we studied till midnight, midnight movie, walking from orchard cineleisure to marina barrage. Marvellous times.

Well june holidays is coming to an end. And that means exams is coming. If I am generous, I would say I have studied 30%. However, its just pure reading of the notes and very little of practice, how can I walk into the exam hall confidently and pass the paper well. I hear a lot of people say I have all the way to As, but I think otherwise. Whatever it is, I will just do whatever I can now, and then evaluate from there. At least I need to read all my notes first so that the further practise can be done next time right. Haha. Ok I think I shall end here. Whatever it is, I hope that all whose exams is coming soon will do well, and do even better during As.

Signing off. Haha (Time now is 1938)

Happy Birthday Bestie!

2011-05-23T20:39:00.003+08:00

Amidst all the things that pissed me off today, I decided that I shall turn this post into a happy one because it's Siew Yan's birthday!

For the past 6/7 years, I have never forgotten about this date and it actually holds a certain significance in my heart. Hahas for someone who is suffering severe STM like me, its quite surprising. Yea. I think it was kind of cool that we got to know each other for so long already. Thinking back, to one of the first days we met, I feel like an old man. Hahas.

You know, I got quite a shock when your friend, Yan Mae, messaged me about your birthday. Hahas but after the shock, I thought it was so sweet of them to do this for you. Unlike me, who can even forget about your birthday.

Hahas see I always said you are the popular girl. JKJK. Well, I thought it was very nice of her to do such a thing for you isn't it? Don't you feel blessed and fortunate? Hahas

Hmm I was trying to recall the times where we get to know each other? How did we get to know each other ah? How did we even started talking? LOL I guess that's not important at all. Hahas well, the very first thing I ever remembered is that you, me and choo likes to go out together. Then after that it was Sherilyn. And then we got quite close to each other? Well, cannot really recall, but kinda funny eh.

I think we had quite a lot of fun times together ah, like the times we spend at KFC (that will take up a lot of time lol), the times we talk at your house bus stop there and just let the bus pass by like that. The times where we were playing badminton together, the times we try to study together. There was this one time at the chalet remember? Hahas.

Hahas so many years already, we have been through so many things together. I really feel very old liao. There are many places we have not gone to before, and I hope I can go with you one day, because I know you will like it. I hope our friendship do last that long so that I can bring you to all the places that I know, we can spend some quality time there.

We still have a long way to go isn't it? We are just 18. From my estimation, we still have at least 32 years? Yea we can do a lot of things in 32 years. Hahas.

Well, back to the most important thing, Happy Birthday! Hope you will always be happy, then I will also be happy =)

Lots of love

Garfield

Holiday.

2011-03-16T19:49:00.002+08:00

March holidays granted 1 week of relieve to catch my homework and now it is already the 3rd day... The past 2 days wasn't very productive so obviously i lagged 2 days of planned work. Today's prgress was still ok but I cannot guarantee because I have to continue later. Hahas. I'm not going to touch much about academics today because I cannot come to a conclusion yet hahas. Maybe nearing the end of the week then I'll update. I really hope I bring good news.

Today I was very angry reading the newspaper today. The newspaper said many people fled the tsunami/earthquake affected areas pushing old people out of the way instead of helping them. I think this is especially a saddening site in a country with ageing population like Japan. 人不为己，天诛地灭。I never liked this phrase. I was asking myself, if I were there, will I stop to help? Of course, knowing that helping them is the more ethical way, my answer was yes, I will definitely help. However, if I were really there, what will be my decision in the end? Nobody knows. I know this must be a very bad time for Japan. I feel like doing something for them, but I can't. I cannot donate money, because I don't have (the minimum is $50). I wanted to go help red cross, but Loshana say only red cross people can help. So I guess what I can do is to help them pray and hope they get out of the crisis as soon as possible. The most important thing is that the plates stop shifting and the nuclear plants stop catching fire/exploding.

Oh I remember that day I was talking about AB camp. I see on facebook all the ABSI adding each other as friends and talking to each other makes me so envy. If I got in, I would be doing the same thing as well. I remember monday was the last day of the ABSI camp. They were debriefing and I was having my CCA training. Then after they ended Christopher approached me to take a photo for them. As I was taking the photo, I was thinking, how I wish I was they one standing in the camera. Hahas. Getting abit emo here, but yea, as I said, its fate. Stop thinking about it idiot.

Hmm... Whats next. Hmm... Recently I think I am getting closer to a lot of people in our class. Some from close to closer. Some from not close to close. Some from not close to ok. Hahahas. Sometimes I think JC life is damn cool. It provides you with lots of opportunities to know about others and in the process, you know a lot of people. Although JC life is only half of secondary school life, I bet i know more people than I knew back in secondary school. This is amazing isn't it? Life is full of amazing things. Just like You. Hahas

11032011

2011-03-13T20:13:00.003+08:00

I've got a habit of wanting to blog when I am going home alone. I don't know why, but I guess it is just a way to kill my boredom, especially now when I am waiting for my bus which will bring me home hahas.

It's 2035 now and I am not home. Went out to 'celebrate' jolie's birthday. Notice I put a ''. The reason is because
I thought it was quite fail. Only a few ppl went, and left halfway for various reasons. In the end only left 2 of us. Did everything I can trying to keep the mood up, hope she likes it. Abt 4 hours more to her birthday. I am sure she will have a much better time tomorrow. Happy birthday jolie:)

Many things happened recently, as usual. Its nothing surprising at all, because that's my life! Some good things, some not so good, some neutral. (today is last day of school, so I think I can afford more time to blog hahas. Shall blog more in detail then). I think everything balances off very well, making my life more colorful and beautiful. I think it is very rare that I will say this kind of thing because normally when I am blogging I am usually very moody. Lol so today I shall provide everyone with things that happened in my life from a much more different perspective. Something new eh? See it's worth it to be a loyal reader of my blog! (jkjk. Actually I was wondering how many people actually reads my blog. 1 maybe? Lol. )

2100. Just reached home.

0042. Slacked the whole night and decided to come back here just before I sleep. Hahas

Well as I was saying, I felt much happier nowadays. Even the others say so. Hahas I think I'm becoming a lunatic. I can't really think of a real reason. Is it because I'm having an optimistic outlook about the future? Or is it that I couldn't care anything more and just look pass all the sadness?

Aiya sian my eyes closing Liao... Hall continue tmr...

12032011

2011-03-13T20:13:00.002+08:00

1208
I'm out alone again. On my way to IT show now. Eyeing for a printer and external harddisk if possible, depends on budget though... Thinking of the people who will be going there makes me feel like not going sia... No choice my dear printer is waiting for me to get it change if not I cannot print all my documents. If I buy printer I can loan out to the class for family day also =)

Speaking of family day, my school's family day falls on the 2nd of April, Saturday. I am gonna get my friends and uncle aunties to go! I think they might not be interested of free to go:( , but still got to ask because I hope they will really come. If I don't ask, no chance. If I ask still got chance right? Hahas

Sian I just realized I haven't allocate the manpower for ava side for family day. Got to remind myself to do it on Monday.

Hmm back to yesterday, I will continue updating about what happened. Er the last 2 weeks of term were not as busy I guess, but filled with little things here and there which fills up the empty spaces of my time.

Had 3 lecture tests, 2 returned. 2 failed. Yes I know that that's bad and at this point of time where A levels is approaching at full steam, it is not a very good thing to fail test anymore. I hope these are little alarms for me telling me it's time to wake up. Also, the release of A level results makes me feel stronger that I have to wake up soon. I don't just say it you know, I actually drafted a study timetable all the way to June to make sure I do revision. There's a problem here. I've been doing it for the past don't know how many donkey years but It turns out that my planning is excellent but the execution part sucks to the core. Hahas well, what I did was to get my mugger good friend, Jhia hao, to do it together with me. If you know someone will be doing the same thing as you you will be more motivated to want to so it I suppose? Hmm I personally think it's a yes but we will only know after we try out for a period right?

Ab camp. Hmm... I stubbornly went for the interview. And the result was that I never get in. Well...as I said, it's fate. I bet I failed at the part where they consulted the teachers whether I can cope between hw and ab camp... A bit sad, because even the teachers don't want me to go, and I couldn't do what I initially wanted. On second thought, it was a relieve because I couldn't really decide at first also. Feel a bit disappointed because I could not bring on what xinghao and gabriel did.

T1 W9 : Start of Common Test, and I am not 1% prepared

2011-02-27T22:42:00.002+08:00

Hey yo everyone! Another Week passed like that, and I have totally no idea what meaningful things I did. If there is this 1 week I can confidently and proudly tell you, I had a very meaningful and productive week, I guess that will be a miracle and my start to success already.

Realised I described that as miracle? Hmm... Dictionary.com 's definition of miracle is, an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. EXTRAORDINARY EVENT? SUPERNATURAL CASE? Yes I agree in my case that is sort of the case. Guess what? I am somehow determined to make is a supernatural event and a supernatural case. Miracles do happen. I know. And I am determined to make mine happen.

Why did I suddenly have the determination to make a miracle? I don't know, my instincts told me. Its just like adrenaline rush (Is that what you call it? ) in me that tells me I have to do it. Like come on la, I have been studying for 10 years and it is an instinct to do well isn't it? I want to do well, and it is within my control isn't it? Loshana they all thinks that it is because of my CCA, but when I am not doing my CCA, I am slacking. It clearly shows that it is not because of my CCA that I am not doing my hw, I am failing my tests etc. It is me, entirely myself to blame. Why? Why did things turn out like this? Its my bad attitude towards academics. I thought that I could scrap through PSLE and O levels and I think that I am one smartass and A Levels will be nothing for me? Haven't I learnt my lesson after promos? If yes, what am I doing now? Hmm. I am an idiot. I got to wake up NOW. I got to start my engines NOW. I got to do it NOW. So what am I planning to do? Hmm.. I am planning to do a revision timetable. OK actually I've done it, for most of the subjects. It will officially start during the Term 1 holiday week, so these 2 weeks it will mainly be for studying for common tests and catching up of homework.

Sometimes I think I can plan things very well you know, but the execution part suck big time. Hahas so thats a flaw isn't it? It something well within my control, I got to control it. I cannot step out of my comfort zone, I have no self control. These are my big flaws in academics. I can identify it, so the next step is to correct it. I have to cut down on TV, computer usage, coke intake (it doesn't concern academics though), and start to drink water. Yea I must get myself healthy and start studying.

I know there are many people out there who are worried for me.

Friends. Needless to say. All of them are busy with their own things and they still have to worry for me. Despite countless naggings from them I am still like that. I disappoint them. I remember that day when I showed then the results of my retest. Their smiles. I can still remember. It was just a retest for me and yet they are so happy for me. They have high hopes for me too, but I didn't live up to their expectations. They will give up on me one day like this. I have to do it.

Family. They don't really play a big part in my academics because most of them don't know anything much. If I don't do well, it just means that I am going to lose face in front of them. If i do well, they will look up on me well. Thats it.

The next group of people who play a very important part is teachers. I have been quite fortunate to have met nice teachers all along my education, although some of them are quite weird in my point of view. In JC, I think my teachers are quite weird but I know they are nice people. Mrs Maggie Wong, my PD tutor, she is very nice and I am guilty that I complain about her sometimes. I thought she might have given up on me now because she don't give me that much attention (I mean below average). Mrs Agnes Wong, my very nice econs teacher also. I thought she might have given up on me because she always ask me questions and then I cannot ans her. Mdm Tay, the scary physics teacher. She's good but i think she is fierce and I am scared of her. I know there are quite a few teachers out there who cares for me. How I wish they are my subject tutors also. Like Mr Chan, very concerned about my results, and most importantly, Mr Ng HS. He is a very very very (this is to emphasize) nice teacher. Although i am not his student, he still shows concern to me. Everytime he got a chance to talk to me, he will ask me how I am doing and stuff like that. I envy his students. And I think I am very fortunate to know him too. I hope that I will still have chance to work with him in the near future, like during AB camp or AVA? HEHES.

Ok its 1.05 am now. I have to admit my work is only 1% done. I am just going to study for the DC test tmr then I shall sleep. NIghts everyone! I will bring you good news sooN! MIRACLE!!

Updates (T1W6 -T1W7)

2011-02-21T22:56:00.002+08:00

Chinese New year is as boring as ever, go lao yi house, then go ah ma house, stay there whole day then go home. 2nd day onwards is worst than boring other than a few visits from relatives here and there. Ang Pao money.... hahas $$ Quite fixed la, almost the same every year. Can go for a good meal liao. Ku shinbo!!

After CNY was Orientation. Class was dead without the 8 people who went for OGL. Hahas but I'm sure they had fun la. I see them so happy I also happy for them =) During Orientation finale I somehow feel abit sad hahas. Sometimes I really feel that AVA very wei qu (how to say in english?). Like SC, OGLs they all at the front, very wei feng, and stuff like that. Then AVA everyday help to set up the mikes and stuff, provide support, how many people actually appreciate us? You see like after finale, we still have to wait for them to disperse, clear up, then debrief before we can keep the mikes and go. The OGLs and SC all cheering for each other, like so fun, but AVA gets none hahas. I really appreciate those people who thank us. Special thanks to TJ (SC President), who sms-ed me personally to thank me. Hen Hui Zuo Ren hor!

Hahas after that was busy with recruitment stuff. THis year so far we got 13 people. Heard that more people joining. I think its not too bad, but too sad most of them join because they have nowhere else to go =( Hopefully we can make them interested in this CCA, and find joy in the work we do, so that I have no worries for them to take over =)

I stubbornly went for AB Camp interview, so I'm waiting for the results now. Let fate decide ba, if I pass the interview, I will go, if not, it just means that I am not fated to go.

Homework wise... I will rate it as average. Just manage to keep everything at a just right pace. Tutorials.... Lagging abit in maths, but catching up. The others just nice. Other homework, never owe already. I managed to clear them hahas. Common test coming next week. Its a big worry for me. Haven't really start studying.

Well, my next target? Catch up with all tutorials, and finish them beforehand. No oweing of homework, and start revision damn soon!!

I am not immature

2011-02-13T00:00:00.000+08:00

Hey to I'm typing this on my way home from vivo. Just went vivo with Jhia Hao to buy sweets for the teachers and class:) so now as I'm typing this line I'm at Clarke quay station. 

Well I'm not trying to type how wonderful my day was, but I wanted to say something I was not happy about. You know yesterday my father was very bad and so I wrote on Facebook something not very respectful to him. My cousin was very angry and asked me to take away. She said I was immature! 

I'm angry not because she doesn't allow me to express my anger on fb, but I'm angry because she said I'm immature! It may sound weird to you but you know what? That word actually hit me so hard that I feel really angry. =( 

I know it's my fault and I was disrespectful, but that doesn't mean I am immature right? It jut simple means that different people got their own different ways of expressing their thoughts. If you don't like it, that doesn't mean I am immature ok. 

I have no idea why that word looks and sound so insulting to me, but I really don't like that word on me. I may not be the most mature person in the world, but i am not immature. You might be more mature than me, (definitely) and that doesn't make me immature.

There are some values that I strongly uphold and adhere to, so
I did not rant here because I am childish. Take that.

Finally a break!

2011-02-04T13:36:00.002+08:00

Term 1 Week 5. Wow time really pass very fast. It has been almost a month since I last came here. Well, if I come here to blog, most of time it will mean that my mood is not very good. Today is no exception either, but the main purpose is not to rant. It is to update about my own life and reflect as I recollect? Hahas well lets get started.

The last time I blogged was just before school reopen. So I will blog from school start till now. Woah that 3 whole weeks of stuffs...

Well obviously school started with a solemn mood for me, given the fact that I will know the retest results on the first day of school, right after morning assembly. Walked into school with heavy footsteps, went up to the staffroom for morning duty as usual. And you know how I screwed it big time? The national anthem disc was missing! Went around calling Mr Chan, then he went to the general office and the staff gave him the wrong CD. Poor Tong Jun (SC President) had to sing beside the mic. I am so guilty. Obviously the principals was not very happy with AVA, and Mr Chan and Mr Chua had to suffer because of us. What a good way to start school huh.

After screwing up the morning assembly, I had to walk alone to LT 4 to get my results for retest. That trip to LT 4 seems to take like forever, I don't know why, but yea you can imagine it yourself la. Well, so I went in to LT 4, sat down, with 8 other classmantes (Regina, Adeline, Jun Ming, Hari, Tie Cheng, Kun Liang, Jeriel, Kok Wee). The teachers and HODs were standing in front, and Ms Leong stood there, analysing the results and trying to talk some sense into us. Not long later, the results were given to us. That piece of Paper Reads:

Anderson junior College

JC 1 Promotional Examination

Retest Result Slip

Name: Jasmine Eng Yee Ching

Class in 2010: PDG 02/10

Subject Promo Grade Retest Grade

H2 MATH U B

H2 CHEM U E

This is a computer generated result slip. No signature is required.

Well, I didn't know what was my initial reaction, but I was thinking, so does this mean that I can get promoted? The E grade doesn't look very good. Will it be because of that I will not promote? Hmmm.................... Ms Leong spoke on and I cannot register what she said anymore. THe only thing I remember was that the names was flashed and we were asked to join back the class. My class was the second class, so naturally my name was on the first slide. I walked out, and I realised that there are 4 classmates still inside. Yes of course I was happy that I passed, but the people inside? Adeline? She was so hardworking and it was so hard to believe that she didn't make it you know. It must be a hard blow for her. Well, after that I tried to talk to her, luckily she is ok, very optimistic, very strong girl. When she talked about appealing, I was like encouraging her strongly. Thinking back, is it a correct decision? As much as I want her to join back the class, I am afraid that she might not be able to cope. Well, she managed to join back the class in the end, and I hope that it was not a wrong decision. As much as I can, I will try to help her whenever I can(But my capabilities is damn limited).

Well, the next big thing was Open House! WooHoo! I hope we managed to make it a big success. Had to help out in AVA because of manpower shortage. Helped with cleanup and went for Open House Comm debrief after that. Mr NG HS credited the Open House Comm members in front of all the Open House Facils, and I am included also =) AVA president hahas. He said that. LOL. After the OHF debrief, Mr Ng asked everyone go collect bags and then Comm come back for debrief. My bag was at AVA there, so I had nothing to do and waited at LT 1 lo... Then Mr Ng came to talk to me. We had a hearty talk, and I love this kind of opportunity. Mr Ng is a very nice guy, I like him a lot, and I find that I can open up and tell him everything freely, nothing to hide at all. HAhas shall not reveal the contents of the conversation lol. Later I paiseh hahas.

Ok the debrief was fun =) Mr Ng made us use one word to describe the whole of Open House and I was like, huh? I wasn't around most of the time and you want me to say something about it? Well I was the last person to say and I started to say about how guilty I was because I couldn't take part in the planning, I couldn't play a part in the execution at all then ask me to fins one word? Hmm... I was like saying I very guilty and stuff like that and everyone encouraged me =) I'm only starting to love it and it ended. How sad =( But well, it was a good ending, and I will remember everything that I went through, even though it is very short.

What's next? Oh ya! My birthday!!! I old alr lo... 18 years old liao. Well. It was a nice day for me. Not extremely interesting, but enjoying.

Received many greetings. On FB. By SMS. In person. Too many names to name and I cannot remember so I will just say, thank you very much for each and every greetings you have given me. It may just be 2 simple words but it weighed 2 tonnes to me.

Presents? Quite a few also. i will upload the photos on FB soon.

Present no. 1: A shirt and a water bottle from Jhia Hao, Jin Yue, Loshana, Shaya, Jolie, Wei Xuan, Kai Ting and Boon Yee. You know what's so special about it? They wrote messages on the plastic bag. One side is English, the other side is other languages. Chinese of course I can read la, but then there's Malay and Tamil. How am I going to read? Lol. Well this is an interesting one though.

present no. 2: A cushion from Jacob and Shi Hui. Inside still got a card shihui wrote for me. So nice right. Cards are always the most interesting thing one can get for his birthday.

Present no. 3: A packet of cookie and card from Adeline =)

Is there anything I missed out? I think no. Hahas well, on top of the presents, i also had 3 ang pao 2 from cousins and 1 from my godmother. Blessed huh?

After that I was busy with AVA again. Very long and draggy. Don't want to elaborate because it will only make me pek chek. CNY concert made me feel very angry because of the lousy committee, and other than that I was angry because the CCA seem to have several problems surfacing. Some of it was my negligence I have to admit, and I have to work out something on my own to solve them ba. Mr Toh and the others keep saying that I do almost everything myself and I will die like that. I know, but the others have to help me also right. Nvm hopefully things will turn out well after CNY.

Finally CNY. A break for me from all those stupid things and I get to catch up on the things that I have been laggin behind. I have 3 more days, hopefully i will make full use of this time to catchh up, esp on HW and not disappoint the teachers. Jiayous ba =) Bu yao slack le ok.

Xin Nian Kuai Le

A good day

2011-01-09T00:52:00.002+08:00

Hello today I had a very fun day in school. I am really glad that I went for Open House Decoration. I first I couldn't really help much so I just walk around and ask everyone if they need help or not. Then after that was running around here and there to do stuffs. It was fun la, full or laughter and joy. ZhiTing's laughter is damn hilarious. Stefan is like a kid like that. Lol we made quite a mess and i did something foolish also. I can imagine why ZHiTing was laughing non-stop, cos it is really foolish. I hopw there is more of this, but everything is ending like next wednesday. Damn sad. Lol...

Yesterday I also had lots of laughter with a bunch of awesome people at plaza sing and Just Acia. Lots of lame jokes, silly laughters. I love these times where everything else is behind me> The feeling is just awesome.

TOday Gabriel helped me with some OPen House Stuff. Thanks a lot my senior! Without him, I wouldn't have walked so far. I told him about a lot of things, and he told me a lot also. He was quite angry i suppose, because it is the first time I see him use WTF. Hmm... Actually I didn't need any advice from him la (he said sorry because he don't know what to do), I'm just happy enough that he can share my woes. Well, after I said my things here yesterday and to Gabriel today, I feel much better and fully charged to go again. 7 months is all i need to endure (hopefully, provided i pass my retest).

End of post, shall go library mug for monday tomorrow. JIayous! Nites world

My real New Year message

2011-01-08T00:08:00.003+08:00

Hi people, for this post I will be trying to vent all my frustrations, but before that, let me just say, Happy New Year to everyone! LOL I know its damn late but I have not stated this 3 words in any of the posts, so I guess I'll have to make up for it. Hahas well, let me say some cliche stuff,"Well, its a brand new year, a brand new start, let us all put the past behind us and brace ourselves forward. To all my JC 2 (this year), I wish that all of you will mug damn hard, and get damn good results. Oh before that happens, I wish your PW reaults and MTL results(for those taking) will be awesome. TO my seniors, I hope you will get good A levels results too. To all my poly friends, work hard too! Too all my family and friends, I wish everyone good health and hope you will always stay happy. Always remember to cherish the ones around you, because everything in life is like wind, it comes and goes unknowingly."

Wah that chunk of message sound like some old man talking ah, but well, its from my experience and feeling at least. Hahas.

Ok, I had really awesome start of the year with an awesome bunch of people you know. Hmm... Went for countdown at Marina Bay with Jian Hern, Jhia Hao, Shaya and Adeline. We were sitting down and talking outside the financial centre, and then we see the fireworks, and then we cut the cake, it is not the best and most interesting thing that you can do for countdown, but I love it. Hahas I reached home at 2.30 am (later than my brother) and then i slept and went to sentosa with my class people again (hectic life ah). Hmm quite a lot of people went and we did really boring stuff, and i think it can be largely improved next time (of course i hope there is a next time), but I also love it.

That was my "interesting" life after retest, but not to forget there are lots of other things waiting for me.

The first thing is the pile of holiday homework. Until now, it was like about 20% done? I hope at least there is 20% done. Ok I have no idea how I am going to finish but I will try these few nights to complete it because I know how hectic my life will be when school reopens.

Emo abit: You know, I was thinking, if I do my homework, then i fail my retest(which means I am retained), I do my homework for what?

Lol ok stop the emo-ing.

Next thing up is Open House. Yay! Hahas I also don't know what I am excited about. I wasn't there for at least half the planning, and all I know is... I also don't know anything la. Well all I can do is AVA stuff, then yea I will station at AVA lo. I really don't like the guy who is like half my cca-teacher (I shall call him calcium, if you want to know who, ask me personally) sia... He's an idiot (I didn't want to say this but I will say). Today I was talking to Mr NG, a very good teacher=):
Mr Ng:Hi Jasmine, so how's everything? Still ok?
Me: Yup so far so good.
Mr Ng: Any problems you are facing?
Me: No la, I think I will just look throught the concert sequence then I will work our from there with my members (actually is myself only lol)
Mr Ng: So what are you doing for Open House ah?
Me: I'm the AVA liaison, so yea, I will just help put in the AVA stuff lo
Mr Ng: Do you want to do anything else for Open House?
ME: Oh cos my CCA facing manpower shortage, cos my CCA members went for OGL...(I didn't get to say the rest)
Calcium: (cuts in abruptly)You don't stress her la, she will be my soundman leh...

Come on la, who says I am stressed? Whats your stupid problem to help me say my things? I am not your puppet for everything lo. HMPF.
WEll anyways, what i wanted to say was... (continued from my unfinished line)cos my members went for OGL, so I will have to help out in my CCA, but if there's any other things I can help in, I will definitely help, so if you have anything for me, feel free to tell me no problem.
Now the whole thing ended like super abruptly and it will give Mr Ng like a super bad impression. Like wah you go your CCA then why you still join open house in the first place stuff like that. Please la I have always been tactful for my whole life, and it was destroyed like that by him. Lucky Mr Ng is not that kind who will misunderstand people easily. Lol I am not trying to be paranoid here, but I really can't stand him. Well tomorrow morning I will be going to help with the open house banner and stuff like that, hopefully I still can do as much as i can for the open house, because i feel so guilty that I have to abandon them because of my retest, and i have abandon them AGAIN for open house.

The 3rd thing is CCA, actually I already said a bit on top, but well there are a lot of things that is "stressing" me up. I included the inverted commas because because stress is never a word for me lol. The first thing that is giving me trouble is that is manpower. EVeryone is like so not passionate about the CCA and they take it as something recreational la. If I can come, and I feel like coming, then I come lo. If I don't feel like, I don't need to go. I don't like this kind of attitude at all la. Everytime only like me, SIngYi, Ruixiang(most), YiNing, Yan Jun(most) there, then like today, I was so busy that I almost want to drop(Talk about today later). I have identified some reasons, and I will try my best not to let it happen for the future batches again. First, is the number, there are too little people, and there are 4 people who came a lot later. Second, is the lack of bonding. We didn't really have the time to bond, because they seniors never plan well(sry i didn't mean to say this). Third, the members are the passionate about the CCA at all, and this will fall back to the second point. Hmm my CCA is damn pathetic la, but then I'm still trying to grip it in my hands. I thinking about a lot of things, even about trying to push someone down. But Mr Chan likes that person... Hmm... sometimes i think i cannot blame the others. Even our VP is like that, let alone normal members. Members not very cooperative also leh, like the handbook, they are supposed to send me but i bet they haven do yet. Calcium is another big problem. He always say I must know how to exercise my power. Ok I tried, and it failed big time. I cannot! what you want me to do? I feel very useless everytime you know, I am just like a puppet. You say this I do this, you say that, I so that. You control me in everything. Then you still want me to exercise my power? You stripped me of my "powers" already la! Sometimes you are obviously the one at fault and you are being unreasonable lo.

Today was hectic. The set up was messy, as usual, because the first set up is always like that. We exceeded the time, and I feel bad for others to wait, but calcium is like nothing happened like that. Yes I know this kind of people always got their own attitude, but you don't feel anything meh? THen when I ask him, which condenser we need to use, then he say, don't use first, cos have to discuss and clarify something first. Ok lo, then I use normal mike. Then he come and say, why don't use condenser? I already ask you then you say one lo! Then now become my fault like that. Sing Yi and YiNing heard also hor! Then the choir say the the mike too far, want to move abit, then just move that, calcium say why dun they move in front? You only need one person to move the mike and you need like a whole 20 to 30 ppl to move. Which one easier? ZZZ always make me do embarrass things. Thanks lo. Then after that he almost make some people "quarrel" (it was peaceful FYI), then he turn to singyi and say,"don't go first, see their good show first."ZZZ. Not going to elaborate. And then he abruptly cut into my conversation i also very angry.

There are many other things that I am pek chek with la, I can say non-stop for 3 days 3 nights. I don't think this is a private enough place so I cannot say things openly. Hahas I think I have some things I am sorry for:
1. For making Sing Yi and Yi Ning work a lot. I tried to do a lot of things myself, my cup is filled to the bring. I sorry there are spillover effects and you have to go through the negative externalities (Just practising my econs hahas dun even know it makes sense or not)
2. Sorry for everyone whom I badmouthed, be it intentionally or unintentionally. I need a place to voice it out.
3. Sorry to Mr Ng for that abrupt disturbance by some rude people.
4. Sorry for not completing my homework
5. Sorry for having to "abandon" Open House Comm twice
6. Sorry for having to go for retest and now worrying about it
7. Sorry for everyone whom I dissapointed

Sorry.

Is late, and I got to go school tomorrow. Let me cut out some newspaper article before I sleep. Nites. Super long post. Hope it didn't bore you.

A later new year greeting

2011-01-05T21:44:00.002+08:00

Its been a long long time since I last blogged. I have no idea what I am busy with, I just feel like I am busy? Lol. Let me see where I left off the last time...

Omg its so damn long! Its christmas eve the last time I blogged. Lol. Ok shall update on everything now. Hahas.

Well... After Christmas, it was my retest... Hmm... Retest was... ok i guess? I have no idea how it will turn out. Both papers were definitely better than expected.. I think I do have a good chance of passing that maths paper, but for Chemistry, although it is better than expected, but my standard was like damn lousy and I have a lot of questions i didn't know how to do. So now I am like standing at the edge of a cliff... I might still fall anytime.. Well there are a lot more things bothering me that I don't have the time to think of this until the day before I get the results.

Well I am back to my Open House Committee again. I am very happy about it =) Loshana thought I was insane, "Of all the things that could happen you are happy about this?" Yes I have to agree I am weird. I have no idea why I like Open House so much. It just feels good that I can help the school with this. The sense of satisfaction is... indescribable.

Well next is CCA, and this is tiring. Sometimes I just think that I am a puppet. You ask me do what I do what. Then all things that are supposed to be done is undone. Manpower is another problem. That is what happens when your cca only has 10 people and more than half of them don't have the "passion" for it. Shall not elaborate further... I can only say its damn frustrating.

Well I got to go prepare some Open house stuff, some AVA stuff and some homework. So i think I shall end here for tonight then. See ya!

A quick post for Christmas

2010-12-24T23:14:00.002+08:00

45 minutes more to Christmas everyone! Merry Christmas!

Hahas shall post something quick and I am giving myself 15 minutes to blog.

Hmm... In my memory, I have never celebrated Christmas. Or rather, should I say I have never celebrated Christmas like Christmas before? I doubt my real Christmas celebration will happen this year, but I am hoping that the first one will happen soon. Hahas but well, I am looking forward to one someday... Lol my days are becoming more and more 充实(on 2nd thought, I don't think this is an appropriate word ) day by day. Maybe its because this bunch of friends really know how to enjoy? LOL I dunno...

Well tomorrow I guess I will be staying at home, with the "aim" to study for retest, but how will it turn out? I have no idea... Things never turn out the way I want.. After I finish typing this, I am going to churn out a list on what I will be doing for the next few days...

Retest is next Tuesday. I AM SCARED. Hopefully I can pass it, WELL, and then I can go back to focus on Open House, AVA, and the undone pile of holiday homework. I want to emo here, but I know its not the time. I want to emo on FB, but I don't want so many people to know. I shall emo on my own, in my private space(my room), but at the same time, push myself to work, even at a very slow rate. No time for procrastination. And I shall make my words into action the very next minute, after I post this. GAMBATTE!

Money is the world's most undesirable thing... (paradox?)

2010-12-13T00:56:00.000+08:00

I failed to finish my post yesterday because my dad switched off the Internet without my permission. He's always like that, but never mind. I don't think I should get angry with him over this small matter, since I said I want to treat him better.

Oh yes yesterday was a lucky day for mummy. She strike 4D. First prize some more. Do you know what's the number? 8163. Yes that's my handphone number. Hahas yes. Being very broke now, with only $20 odd to spend for the rest of the year, I desperately need some money to spend, and I think this is very good chance. I told her that I am very broke so I want her to give me some money from the prize. From her reaction I am not sure if she will give or not, but she is not happy that I am asking money from her. My mum sees money very seriously. If I talk to her about money,a war is aure about to start. So every time I just say a bit then she don't want give I will just walk away. I don't want to quarrel anymore. Haix... What to do... If I got enough money I wouldn't be asking from you already la. My stupid daddy is also taking this chance to ask money from her also. Then she will say he want lot of money then no more money to give Meir something like that. Zzz la... Say what new year coming and stuff like that... All excuses... Haix.. I hate asking for money from them, but when I really no money I have no choice but to ask from them. Why can't I earn money? Hahas I will love the feeling if I will not need to ask for money from them again. Makes me feel like a beggar sia...

I didn't manage to control my expenses well this year. Looks like I got to plan something more effective next year and make sure I spend my money wisely, then I will not have to ask for money from them like that again.

Ok let me return to what I was saying yesterday. Hmm I have no momentum to continue with where I left off yesterday, but my main point is, my ultimate plan is to finish whatever I haven't finish for the 2 subjects, which is 5 chapters of maths and abt 9 chapters of chem. Wonderful. Doomed. I am going to have a training later on but I will only be going for a while. Then I hope I will return home to study. Same for tuesday. This week I am going make myself study a lot. Er what's my definition of a lot? I also don't know, if I were to count, I have not study for more than 20 hours since the holidays at all... And one day I only spent one hour studying or something like that? I am not going to measure in terms on how long I study, but how much I study. I will try to give my 'progress report' everyday to track my actions.

As usual, everything is falling behind as planned...

2010-12-12T23:37:00.002+08:00

No matter how wonderful, how marvellous, how perfect my plans seem like, they will eventually fail. The reason? It is the failure to carry things out. Be it for CCA, for outings, and especially for study.

Yes today I am going to talk about how I am falling behind my study plan. As the saying goes, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". Yes everyone knows this. But what's the point of planning when you will fail at the next stage?

This is a big big hurdle. I have never been able to jump high. Will I be able to jump high enough to cross the obstacle? Hmmm.... I think the only person that I can pose that question to is myself. How? Can I ever do it?

Maybe I have Schizophrenia (by the way, I've just learnt to pronounce this, its damn cool), because every time I think about stuff like that, I will think of it on both sides, but you know what, if someone will to ask me about stuff like that, I will say the negative side? Why? Lack of confidence? Or do I know myself too well? Hmm... Maybe I just want to prepare myself so that I won't get too disappointed?

Parents

2010-12-10T19:57:00.002+08:00

Today I have the sudden urge to talk about my parents. No worries, I did not quarrel with my Dad today. Normally I only blog about my parents when I quarrel with them right(Most of the time my Dad)? But surprisingly this time its not.

That day I was with some of my classmates, then Jhia Hao suddenly said, "I need to go and buy present for my parents' wedding anniversary." Then Loshana said excitedly, "Today is my parents' anniversary!" Hahas. From this you can see how close they are with their family. I did not say anything for that period of time, because I'm in no position to talk about this. I was there, wondering, "When is my parents' anniversary?" I have never heard them talking about this. We don't even celebrate my parents' birthday. Pathetic right? I think the saddest thing for my parents is to have so "good" kids like us.

My parents is an amazing pair. I don't know how to put it, but so many years have passed, I know my dad still loves my mum, but my mum hates my dad to the core. How do I know? The reason is, Mum likes to complain about him to me the most trivial things. I don't know what's the reason behind all these things, I only heard Auntie ML say, "One day, when you grow up, your mummy will tell you." It sounds like something grave, but I don't want to know.

Recently, I noticed Dad becoming more frail. He's getting weaker and weaker, his appetite getting smaller, sometimes he don't even want to eat. Then sometimes he's in so much pain that he has the painkillers all over him. What else can I do? I can only buy him whatever he likes to eat, help him with whatever I can lo. Sometimes he think of going out must travel very far very troublesome and tiring for him. Then I will start to think, wouldn't it be very good if I can buy a car and drive him around so he would not have to worry about travelling far, he would not worry about having to tire himself out? I have no idea how long more it would take me to buy a car, but one thing for sure, is that I will be a long time. Last time, I used to keep quarreling with my Dad, but now, the frequency of quarreling is cut down by a lot already. From young, I have always complained that my Dad is biased towards my brother, and I think I'm over jealous over this la. I will always talk about everything he do to my brother and I would never think about the times when he's nice to me. I don't know whether its perception change or his behaviour change, I find that he's not that biased anymore. LOL. Aiya he old already so I should treat him nicer right? Hahas

My mum is a total workaholic, and I would add a word to that, "maniac". Yes, our family is not so well-off ever since Dad is sick. But who are not dying of hunger or what you know. Last time when she is working in the confectionary downstairs, she's really very tiring because they treat her as slave and only pay her that little bit. Stingy people there. Then she changed job to that Italian restaurant, working from 12om to 12am everyday. It was very tiring also because she has to travel a lot and her sleeping habits is really bad. Then she switched to a 8 to 5 job, which I think is a lot better for her, and I thought her life will be much better. Yes thats the actual thing indeed. But she's like super idiotic crazy? The confectionary lady boss asked her to work there from 5am to 7am every morning and she said yes? YES? She's like mad! Haix I really want to freak out. Which idiot works at that time? And that means she has to wake up at 4am to wash clothes everyday. Thats not the worse. Then at night when she comes back, if the confectionary calls and say they need help, she will just rush down like that to go and help. A while, they will say the lady boss is sick, a while they said the maid injured, a while the worker runs away, a while they don't like the worker so send them back to China, a while they say mooncake festival very busy, a while the boss leg aching... Wah Lau eh my mother work until like she's one of the shareholder there like that. Idiot la. She slogged so hard just for the $5/hour (I'm not very sure about the actual pay yea). Thats not the worse you know... When she no need to work during weekends, I thought she can take her time to sleep already. Then that auntie selling fish ask her go help then she after 7am at the confectionary go market to sell fish. Then afternoon come back still go some people's house to help them clean house. Then at night come back go to confectionary again. She has to work from 5am in the morning all the way to 10.30pm at night. What can I say? Yes she sacrificed a lot for this family, but isn't she like going to overboard? Another thing, is that she like to eat leftovers when there is fresh food.So everyday she will eat leftovers and keep the fresh one, and so on. Then some leftovers is like a few days to one week then she eat. Eating leftovers is not healthy la, then she leave so many days then eat, when I say her then she angry. Hopefully she will slowly kick the habit and eat more fresh food. Maybe I can eat a lot then make sure there's no leftovers so she won't eat? Hahas

I'm not sure if it is friends influence or what, I recently feel like I want to get closer to my family, I want to treat them nicer. It was now that I realise that how bad I was to my family.

I realised that there are many friends around me who are very family orientated, like Jhia Hao, Loshana and Jin Yue. They are very good examples with role model family, which I think its good. When is the last time my whole family had a meal together? Just the 4 of us? Hmm... Looks like I really ought to get a car huh...

I wish that I can faster get out to work, so that I can buy a car, drive my parents out, drive my relatives out. I hope that my family will still have a chance to go overseas together, like a cruise or something? Last thing, I hope that my parents will have a easier life when I got the ability to earn money.

There's always 2 sides to a coin...

2010-12-07T10:55:00.003+08:00

Morning everyone I just woke up. Its been so long since I slept until so late. This clesrly shows how tired I am. *Yawns*

Decided to finally change the blogskin before SY changes it for me. Lol.

Well had AJC Dinner and Dance 2010 yesterday.If I were to summarise everything in one word, I would say TIRED. Had rehearsal in the morning from 9.30 am and I reached home at 12 midnight.

For me I did not do anything at all, just stood there and stand all the way. I'm so impressed with my legs. Well, I shouldn't say this, but it was a waste of time for me, because I totally did not do anything, except for shaking hands with the guy called "Edward".

There's one thing that I am glad about, is that I can stand there to witness the whole event, and I met this very famous person, Daniel Ong. I believe a lot of people would know this guy. Yea he was just standing very close to him and this man has left a very good impression in me. He is quite a famous guy, with a bit of 架子 I have to admit, but he's helpful, he's skilled, he's professional. Hmm... You know its so expensive to hire him? The reason is he's good and he really knows his stuff well. He's humorous and he can entertain the audiences really really well. Even our principal is laughing. Hahas. He can even come out with things on the spot and do impromptu stuff like that. And the thing I am very impressed with, is that he helps us with the AV equipment and he gives his views like the vocal should be louder and stuff like that. Hahas I was seriously entertained by him and he gave me a wonderful time yesterday night.

Actually before the actual event, everything was quite messy. We are supposed to have 3 ballrooms, but when I reached at 4, I only saw one pathetic ballroom available. There are meetings at the other 2 ballrooms until 5, meaning we could not do much until 5. In the end everything started at 5 plus and it was total chaos, you can hear the manager shouting, waiters and waitresses running around and stuff like that...

I think life is always like a wonder. Everytime things seem so messy, seems like cannot make it already, so worrying but in the end it turn out well. Hahas Although I never like the chaos before everything happened, I truely enjoy the final outcome.

Studying for me wasn't very good, but I am trying to improve on it. Last week, my target for myself is to finish 6 chapters of maths and 5 chapters of chemistry. But I failed badly. I only managed to finish 5 chapters of maths. This week, I will finish 5 chapters of maths (plus the one I did not complete) and organic chemistry (intro, alkanes, alkenes, arenes, halogen derivatives).

Shall do one essay now, then I will go and start my "intro to organic chem".

Happiness is always short-lived

2010-11-30T23:07:00.002+08:00

This blogskin is really pathetic. Can't even see the title of my posts. Hahas but I really too lazy to change. Anyways the HTML thing gives my headache because I really cannot understand. Lol.

Let me first talk about my recent life before talking about today =) Let me first recap where I left off the last time.

...

Wow the recent post really quite recent leh. Nothing much to talk about other than that. Hahas how interesting can the life of a loner become.

Hmm... Oh last week, me and a bunch of crazy classmates had this crazy idea and we went changi airport to study overnight. It wasn't productive for me but I really had fun. I really wish we could do it again but I doubt no one would ever want to do it again? Anyways, other than overnight study, we also went to send Jian Hern off for his Turkey Trip. Thats the price that he won for the photography competition and he is the youngest among those we went for the trip. Very LI HAI hor... Hahas. Then the "amazing race" in the morning to school also very fun. Hahahas.

I am considering of going to study overnight alone at changi airport... Hahas, I really love it.

Next topic.

Oh I realised I really really getting fatter. I think I need to exercise to shed off that excessive amount of fats. Hahas. Let me have a target. I shall go for at least one time exercise a week? Hahas ok shall start this week. Sian I don't want go jogging leh.. But I don't want spend the time to jio people out, because by then i will grow old when someone finally wants to play with me? Oh I know! Maybe I can play squash? Not bad an idea huh!

Hmm... Shall I talk about my classmates next? Having spent one whole year with them, I think I should talk about them abit. Our class was a very segregated class, with people of different character, different personalities. Recently, our class got quite bonded partly because we found ways which we could accommodate with each other. There were quarrels, conflicts, and in the end, we still manage to pull through. I apologise to those ppl whom I have criticised, and I hope 0210 will have another great year ahead! I wish that those people who needs a retest will be able to pull through this hurdle and 0210 will pass A levels with flying colours=)

Ok let me talk about today. I really very happy today.

Studied with Wee and jess. Its been very long since we spent some quality time together. Hopefully will have more chances like that.

It has been a long time since I saw my best friend. Hahas. Although its a short 2 hour plus but its so precious and nice. Lol. Ee sound so... But yea seriously, I finally met up with that busy girl. Although its short but I'm happy. =))))

At last...

2010-11-23T22:07:00.001+08:00

At last, I am free from all non-academic stuffs that is happening in my life. Now that everything is slowing down, I believe it is time I start to plan how I am going to finish my homework, how I am going to study for retest, and hopefully pass.

As the saying goes, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". I believe in this. But for a person like me that don't follow timetable, I don't know if it will work this time or not. Today's sports challenge programme gave me a bit of inspiration and motivation. The programme is not considered as a good thing, but yea, it just managed to spark something in me. Well, I will plan it out by tomorrow, and hopefully I will be able to get it right this time.

SL:

SL was a great success. I was so happy on both days. For the past few months, I see so much conflicts happening, I was so unhappy with some people, the many sleepless nights some had, the frustration some had to go through. Before the SL, I actually thought, "Cham la, I think our class is never going to make it for SL". But in the end, everyone buck up and showed what they are capable of. I was ssssooooooo happy, not because many praised us, but because our class actually came together as ONE. I'm beginning to love my class, from the bottom of my heart. Really.

CCA:

I really had a big big headache. Other that frustration, I got nothing else to describe it. I don't want to dwell into the details, because it will only add fumes on me. I think I owe Mr Hui a big favour for helping us sssssssssssssooooooooooooo much for the video competition. *salutes to Mr Hui*. A pity that he will not be our CCA teacher next year anymore.

Personal Life:

As boring as ever? LOL. How interesting can a life of a loner be? Well, I am officially broke, like seriously broke. My bank account got... er... $50? Haix forget it, I hope next year comes faster, so that I can get my pocket money as soon as possible. And I dunno why when it comes to going out I face so much problems sia... Like Jiapei, she always wants to go out with me then my school always end late. Then for SY, she's always so busy that she don't have the time at all? Then mich they all, mich is also soooo busy... See how we have changed... i cannot imagine what it will be when we get even older. GOSH. Well well well... I have nothing to say already. Some things are better off unsaid...

I'm not happy..

2010-11-11T22:38:00.003+08:00

I think I need to change blogskin quite desperately. But It is a big hassle sia... I just realised that my blogskin cannot see the title of my posts! stupid man. And I've been thinking so hard for my titles... But I think its very xin ku for me to change, so in the short run I will not change it.

Well, todays title is "I'm not happy...". As the name suggests, I am going to talk about how sad my life is... There's so many irritating things that add up to my frustrations la.

1. PW

Yay! it finally ended, after 7 months of sweat and blood. Really sweat, and blood is internal bleeding? Lol. My group members, teacher's comments, all the drafts.... Wah seh I salute myself for having gone through all this la. Hahas but after PW I think I a bit sad also. I know I have not done well in many areas which are supposed to be done well and now I am going to get... C? I dunno. Of course, my wish is to get an A la (Hahas big joke). K la hopefully got B ok.. Pls...

2. Open House

Official meeting today. Although I'm not out of the Comm, but I think it is the same as getting out lo. No need to get involved in anything until after retest. NO more PRG and LOG comm. No more IC. SIan... Failure. Big big failure. Nothing else to say. Mr Ng HS's "study harder ah" just makes it even more guilty.

3. Service Learning

I think it was trusted in the wrong hands la. For the past 2 meetings, I went without doing anything at all. OK la I don't mean to say my time is damn precious but at least you give me something to do la.

I was to sit there and see people getting pissed off and see how unproductive some ppl are. And some were even late by 1 hour. Some just went to sleep, some went to play and some don't even want to go. I am damn pissed to see all this la.

I won't be surprised if Jhia Hao is forced to interfere in everything. And I will support his decision. If those useless ppl dare to say anything, I will step up to confront them.

If till the end I still have nothing much to do, I will ask Jhia Hao not to include me in the Comm. I won't want credit and CIP hours which I don't deserve.

4. CCA

A whole lot of things undone, and a whole lot of things piling up. The T- shirt, the competition, OPen HOuse, D&D, CNY, Workshop... I wanted to just throw everything to ZY lo. I have retests coming and many many other things, but I cannot let go. He just doesn't show me anything. How many times do I have to remind him to get him to work. If he don't show me anything by next week, I will just grab everything back to do it myself. Retest? Hmmm... maybe it can just come concurrently. My dear ZY, don't make it feel like I have trusted the things in the wrong hands.

5. Retests

Oh yea I actually have retests. There are so many things coming up that I almost forgotten abou that. I think I damn pro sia. How? And also hor, during the holidays, I have holiday homeworks, and study for retests. If I do my work, how do i study for retest? If I study, how to do homework? Thanks lo. FOr making me in this situation. But I am the actual culprit right lol.

I must clear retests, cos I dun wan to retain. With the hopes that I dun retain and with the teachers' support (Like Mr Chan, my funny and caring CCA teacher, MR Ng HS, the very nice Open house teacher and HOD of student affairs, Mrs maggie wong, my bias pw teacher and naggy chem teacher who is quite caring also, mr chua, the technician whom i dun really ....hahas). AVA president retains- I hope this will not be something that ppl will talk about in school.

ok in a better mood now. shall do abit of chem and slp bb

Sad week...

2010-10-31T13:59:00.002+08:00

Yes its a sad week indeed, and I am definitely not happy about it.

As expected, I did badly for my Promos and I am on the verge of retaining. I got 3Us and I only managed to pass one H1 and one H2. Haix... I was damn sad about it, but I felt even more painful. It is painful to see everyone around me worried for me, it is painful to see teachers worried about me, it is painful for me to even think about quitting Open House Committee. Haix... Many people ask me why I see being in the Open House Comm so big a matter, and they think I'm insane to only keep thinking about Open House. I think they wouldn't understand why. Being able to be in the Open House Committee was a big honour, and the reason why I joined is not because of the glory, but because I want to service the school with whatever I can.

The lucky thing out of all the unlucky things, is that I can still go for a restest. But having CCA suspended and quitting the Open House Committee is definitely not a good thing. Haix... all I can do now is concentrate on PW and then mug for the retests. Sian la... I dunno whether I will be able to make it or not, but I will try my best, knowing that so many people are worried and care for. It really pains me to see so many people... Haix...

Another thing I'm worry about is those who are only given the option to leave/retain. Hopefully they will appeal, and of course successfully. In addition, with the class petition it hopefully will give them a chance to go for retests and then 02/10 will promote together. TOGETHER.

A big big rock is pressing me

2010-10-21T22:06:00.002+08:00

There is not a single moment I'm not thinking about it, especially after what has happened yesterday, it gives me even more pressure about monday.

The rock is pressing me so hard that I find it hard to breathe, like seriously cannot breathe. This is definitely not because of the haze. LOL. I know this is a psychological barrier, but it just presses so hard on me and this is the first time in my whole life that I ever felt this way. I mean previously this feeling only comes when I am too excited or nervous and its only for a short period, like 10 to 15 min? And this time, I know it will stay there or even get worse until next Monday.

There are 2 possibilities that is going to happen on Monday, that feeling will get better or worse. Its totally imaginable. As much as I am preparing for what is going to happen, I know this preparation can never be done. No matter what happens, I will surely get a shock. I just hope I don't collapse and die because my heart cannot take it anymore.

This thing is definitely piling up my stress level in addition to PW. Haix.. PW also sucks totally. My Group... CMI la... They 2 guys super weird. When this one is working, the other one is not. When the other one is working, this one is not. Hahas I think if I still continue to nag, we will become more like enemies than teammates can. We still got OP. Lol. Hopefully everyone will cooperate this last 3 days and produce a much better WR to aim for our "A". Jiayous.

I think for the first time in my whole life, I finally understood what is stress. I am praying all day and all night that I will pass my promos and I swear I will work very very very hard for my 'A's next year (I have been saying this so many years and I think god doesn't want to believe me anymore). No matter what happens, I think I should stay calm and composed, because that's my forte. Shall so something to calm and soothe myself. Will blog soon, cos I recently quite emo. I always blog when I emo hehes

Shocked and scared.

2010-10-20T18:35:00.002+08:00

Looking at the title, I guessed you would have thought that I got back my Promo results or something like that, but in fact, its not.

The scared part is very easily understood though, I'm scared that I will fail Promos, I'm scared that I'll retain.

Things are beginning to pile up for me to work on. If I fail promos, thats it. Everything will be taken away from me. I'm really very very very very scared of the day of losing everything. I cannot afford to lose. I cannot.

Today, had Open House Comm meeting with Mr NG HS, and he shocked me twice in a duration of 15 min.

At 1.30pm, Loshana and I were standing outside Room 1322 waiting for the meeting to commence. Mr Ng came shortly after, and we went in to sit down. While waiting for the others to come, Mr Ng suddenly asked those around, "have you all eaten?" There were nods and shakes around the table. Then he asked, "Who has CCA after this?". I raised my hands and he said, "Jasmine you have CCA today?" I have not spoken to him at all as far as I remember, but the shocking thing is he actually knows my name! gosh like why did he know my name?! Hahas anyways, I also don't know whether it is a good or bad thing. But anyways, I didn't know I was so famous in school. If I fail promos, I guess I'll be even more famous. Hahas.

Ok lets move on to the next shocking thing. I think I must speed up because I still got PW to do. Hehes ok lets make it chop chop. Yeap. When most have arrived, Mr Ng started talking about what the meeting is about and roughly what are the things we got to do. Then he started telling us about our committee. Then he told us about the OIC, 2IC so on so forth. Then he said, "The programme and logistics comm IC will be jasmine". Then everyone was like huh? which one? Then I was thinking aiya is the other one la. Then Mr Ng said, "Oh its Jasmine Eng". Then I was like WTH? You got see wrongly not? Something went in his eyes isit? Lol. That was the biggest shock. Programme and Logistics Comm is such a big Committee leh. Make me in charge? Seriously I think that was OVER OVER OVER estimating me and my capabilities. OMGGG. I never wish this would happen to me. Until now I'm still suffering from the tremor ok seriously. I was thinking aiya I fail promos le then I just get out lo.

Now my fear level doubled. No I think it tripled. Like seriously scary la. If I am going to drop out, haiz... I cannot continue saying anymore, the ... part will be up to your own imagination. I think I need to eat JING FENG SAN or I need a ZHEN DING JI (I suddenly forgot what its called in English).

Haix got to do PW now, WR is a chore, but I have to love it. WR here I come!

Hot topic

2010-10-16T22:14:00.002+08:00

What's the hot topic recently? Promos? Retain? PW? Yes these are the few hot topics thats revolving around me recently.

Promotion exams ended for officially on Wednesday. Something serious happened in school so Promos was sort of prolonged for me. I don't understand why many are criticizing it, but I thought of it in a different way. I think that was good (I am not rejoicing for what has happen) because I thought it as a good chance for me to do better. And indeed, I think I did better for the second one and I see hope in passing my Econs this time. Ok talk about it subject by subject.

For GP, the essay was quite okay I guess. But when I was writing halfway, I felt that the whole thing doesn't make sense at all and I wanted to change. Sadly, I do not have enough time so all I can do is try to make my essay sound relevant. However, in the end, I thought that the whole thing went worse. Comprehension was disaster. I have difficulty even trying to understand the passage and the questions were totally alien to me.

Economics was next. It was my most hopefully subject, especially after the second chance. Yea. Although the case study was also a disaster for me, but I think if I can successfully secure the marks for essay, there shouldn't be a problem passing. I hope I'm correct.

Chemistry on the 3rd day. It was real disaster. I think almost 80% of the paper was on reaction kinetics and organic chemistry. I totally freaked out, because the 2 topics was my most unfamiliar topic. All the reagents and conditions just mixed up, and I totally forgotten about all the mechanisms. All I can do is try to make everything make sense. I just hope I do better than MYCT.

Mathematics up next. This time I definitely had more practices than MYCT. It was difficult for me, but I thought its doable(ironic eh). Hmm I really don't know. I counted the number of marks I never do. It was 49. I'm not sure its before or after the paper. But yea I do not have hope of passing because I know one question that was definitely wrong and 1 more which I got tricked. I am damn sad because that was my most confident topic. I wasted marks just like that. Sian.

Physics was last (not considered actually). I didn't read the definitions and for that I think I lost 10 marks. On the whole I know it is doable but I cannot do. All I can do is try to fit the formulas I have in my mind to try to get some answers.

On the whole, the only paper I am confident of passing is Economics. Seriously. I believe in everyone's heart, there is a measuring scale that can estimate roughly where you stand. My scale tells me that I have to retain. I am not trying to be pessimistic here but yea something tells me its true. Actually I am very very very very scared of retaining. That means, I have to quit Open House and the title of "President"... Haiz... Didn't want to bring this up to affect my friends but sometimes it just blurts out of my mouth like that. Should keep it tighten. Don't want to affect anyone.

The next hot topic is PW and haix... I just don't hope my grades will be too bad. I want an A, but my lowest limit is a B. Anything lower than that I will freak out. I think my PW group is... haix... don't know what to say. KL, always don't do work, and I already lost trust in him. If he don't send me the WR tomorrow morning, I will complain about him. He has disappointed me so much that I do not trust him anymore. TC, the one who always questions other people and also don't do his work well. recently he just plays with his laptop and only work when asked to. Don't even know how to take initiative. Must find a way to deal with him. Adeline is the most perfect teammate. She's the one who always helps and do her work nicely. JinYue... Nth to say about his leader. Only that she likes to scold people sometimes. LOL

WR deadline is coming in one week's time and OP is catching up after that. Until now I still think that my group's WR is CMI, let alone to say OP. Haix... I will spend tmr doing WR, hopefully something constructive is done.

I think my mind is filled with all these stuff which makes me feel like running away from it. Hopefully my willpower is strong enough to persevere and fight through this stage. As for the retaining part, I have no choice but to only accept it.

I miss writing

2010-10-16T21:46:00.002+08:00

It has been a long time since I touched my brush. So this afternoon I decided to write. I know its kind of ugly, thats why I posted it here and not on facebook. LOL. Hahas I felt very relaxed and happy writing it, as it has been my hobby for the past 9 years. Sometimes, reliving old memories are just simple great. I LOVE IT.

Today I also went to barrage to fly kite with cousin and nieces. First time flying a kite. It was cool hahas. Second time at barrage brought back bad memories of AB camp. Just like rubbing salt on my wound. Haix... I really hope I can do it. Like really do it with my 2 legs. But I felt very lost. Should I ask some friends to go with me? But who would want to walk there with me... Guess this will be a loner task. Maybe next saturday? Ok lets do it =)

Yes I have promos in 4 days time...

2010-09-29T22:37:00.002+08:00

Hahas Hi everyone my promos is coming in days time... what to do? Lol.

i have super contradicting thinkings... First, I don't want promos to come. Then I hope that it will end faster. Irony? Hahas to me its paradox. LOL.

Ok I don't know if I am studying hard enough, but the good thing is that I studied right. If it were me last time, you will not even see me studying. HaHas I think I am very fortunately blessed with good teachers. All my teachers are... marvellous.

Ms Foo, my maths teacher, can teach really well compared to Mr lim and she made me pass my first maths test =)

Mrs Agnes Wong, who always bears with our nonsense and keep teaching us econs patiently.

Mdm Tay, the super scary physics teacher, is a powerful teacher who can teach but i'm really scared of her.

Mrs Maggie wong, the naggy PW and chemistry teacher. Although our class attitude is not very good, she always scolds us but still teaches us without showing any biasness although we are the lousier class. She's really nice because she can give me the energy for PW and whats more shocking is that yesterday, she gave me a light tap and said, 'Hey, you need consultation?'. I was so guilty at that point of time. I keep saying I hate chem, chem sucks and stuffs like that and she knows that I always never do her homework but she still shows concern towards me. I thought she has given up on me long time ago... haix...

4 days left and I dun want to retain. So I have to try to constantly study and hopefully, can buck up and I will still be in 02/10 next year! woots!!!!

This is the time...

2010-09-02T21:11:00.002+08:00

Haix I dunno how many times i posted the things i dislike about my parents, but this time i guess i have to blog about it in a more balanced and mature perspective?

Hmm as usual I am scolded by my parents. I am a very easily jealous person, I criticise almost everything my parents do. Mainly because they show my brother too much love more than I do. Come on la, which children in this world would not want their parents to lve them. I'm not trying to say my parents dun love me, but they just don't love me and my brother equally. I know this may be just my own thinking, but i seriously think that the way they speak to me and my brother is different la. As for the difference, its up to you to imagine.

YES YES I have to admit that I am a tyrant at home. I admit totally. But all I wanted is their care and concern right. Forget it. Sometimes the more I want it, the more I tend to criticise them, and in the end we get into a quarrel. Lets not judge who is right who is wrong, I think the most disheartening thing is that my parents say. How can they say i heartless and don't spare a thought for them? How cam she say she love me so much and i never get good results to repay her? Ok la I know I'm dumb, I know I don't do the things they like to please them, and the most important thing, I'm not a boy, but what in the word makes them think I'm unfillial (can't find a better word).

I know I am very very harsh in my words and many times, the things I tell them is deliberately to make them very angry, but did they ever go and think thoroughly, what is all that for? I also feel very bad for having said all that, and I really regret all that. But... Haix.... I have nothing else to say.

If naughty, unreasonable, irritating, freaking moron, guai lan, idiot are the words they can only think of about me, then I can only say that I failed as a child, and they are not also very successful as parents. They are the ones who can really make me so sad, so hurt, and I sometimes really salute them, because they are probably the only ones who can do that to me. Bur forget it, I shall not say anymore. I have nothing to say anymore, really, really.

Let there be a silver lining...

2010-08-20T20:40:00.002+08:00

Wow... Do you know... This is my 100th post! Hahas I really can't believe I actually posted 100 posts.

I damn long never blog already... Every time I want to blog, I will somehow forget about it. Anyways, I doubt there;s anyone who will read this blog right? Whatever, I don't really care, sometimes I don't even want people to read my posts. Ok so, to all my loyal 'readers', I apologise for the MIA for such a long time, partly because of my laziness.

Its been one month plus since I poseted and needless to say, tons of things happened during this period, both good and the bad.

MYCT results was disastrous, I my rank points was 16, out of the total of 80. How bad could it be? What could I say? This is what I got as a president. How shameful. No use reflecting, no use emo-ing. There's only one solution to it. Mug.

Next was the incident. It has come to a rest, but I believed AVA's reputation suffered a big blow, excluding the series of events that came after that.

And on the 22nd July, I took over from Gabriel, carrying the hopes of the teachers, Gabriel and other seniors, to make AVA better and stronger. I sort of doubted myself, but my seniors (Gabriel and Bing Ru in particular), the teachers (Mr Sng in particular) and Mr Chua (Although I sometimes don't really agree with him handling things) gave me a lot of support and encouragement. Of course, needless to say, I also had friends around me who supported me. These really serve as my motivation to move on and I am truly grateful for that.

Everyone is tensing up because of the hectic school work. I cannot say I'm not, But I think that extent of me tensing up is not there. With all the teachers some nagging, some scolding, some sarcastically suan-ing, some encouraging, It finally somehow got into my mind and I did most of my homework sincerely. But I believe I'm not hardworking enough. Because many times, when teachers are talking there, they are just like speaking alien language to me la. What to do? It only shows that I am not hardworking enough and I ought to work harder. I need to turn into a mugger, I MUST. My class somehow resemble 4F. Hahas. Results are not good, and its a very worrying fact. Sometimes all the teachers have totally no choice but to put their words harsh to push us.

Today I'm very happy. Ms Foo praise me in front of the whole class, amidst all the failing of tests =) Let me think... How long have I not been praise in class because of good results? 3 years. The last time was also because of maths in secondary 1, where Mr lim said it was unbelievable. Hahas that time I really topped the whole class and I was really happy. But the sad thing is, this time, thre reults are not reallly that 'good'. Ms Foo praise me because it was a great improvement. No matter what, I am still very happy and hopefully, this will keep me going on and on?

JIAYOUS BAH I KNOW I CAN DO IT. I WANT OTHERS TO LOOK AT ME DIFFERENTLY AND I DON"T EVER WANT TO RETAIN.

It is time to reflect...

2010-07-09T20:48:00.003+08:00

Today should be a depressing day for me... But I did not think of it that way. I thought it was a disappointing day. Extremely disappointing day. During AB camp, I disappointed myself, my instructors, and my group mates. Now, I not only disappointed myself, I also disappointed my parents, teachers, my seniors, Mr Chua, and all who expected something in me. Again, I am buried with regret.

Looking at the good side, all these things that happened to me not on give me guilt, but it also serves as a reminder for me to reflect upon myself, and whether or not I will pick myself up from all these things all depends on me. Even I am not sure if I will do it or not, because I am very famous for being "san fen zhong re du". But nevermind, let things take its own course.

Many things are actually happening to me right now, but I believe many people will have to go through this kind of similar process in life. I know I will definitely go through it, but the only difference is how I handle this issues.

Let's talk about studies first. Results are bad, even though I haven gotten all of it. Chemistry MCQ 4/15. Physics 36/90. How well done is that. This is a prove that I am not studying hard enough, and the there's only one solution to it. It all depends on me, myself. I'm not going to elaborate what I plan to do, anyway, I don't have any. If I want to do it, I should just start now. That's what I'm going to tell myself. Promos is like a person threatening me with a knife at my neck, and it only depends whether I am going to relent. If not, I will just die.

Next, CCA. Haix.... Sometimes I think I am so "wu ya zui". The things that I didn't wish to happen actually happen, and it is in the worst scenario. Personal reflections shouldn't publish here. Another thing is that after the talk with Mr Chua, I actually got myself to think about our attitude and professionalism. We are definitely not doing a good job, and I could say that we are doing a very very bad job. I promised Mr Chua that I wouldn't disappoint him again, I would do it. This time, I'm serious. I cannot let AVA fail in my hands. I cannot let them be "yi pan shan sha". I have to do it, I must do it, and I will do it, because there's a lot of people who look highly upon me and I cannot disappoint them ever again. I hope I will not, I will try my very best in these, I will.

Truths

2010-07-05T21:40:00.002+08:00

Dunno why suddenly wanted to play with this

1. Height?
1.71m

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Never even seen it.

3. Do you own a gun?
yes. A fake one. No it should be 2 fake ones.

4. Who would you let eat crackers in your bed?
No one, but if they eat, I will just get angry with myself. I can't do anything!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Not bad, quite nice.

7. What’s your favorite Christmas song?
Ruldoph the red nose reindeer, santa claus is coming to town.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
COke? hahas, I don't mine ice milo

9. Can you do push ups?
go down halfway only consider?

10. Is your bathroom clean?
So-so

11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
er... Do i have any?

12. Do you like painkillers?
When I'm in pain I will love it.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
Don't worry I won't

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
I think so.

15. What’s your name?
Jasmine Eng Yee Ching

16. Middle name?
Which one is middle name?

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
School, AVA, myself

18. Name the last 3 things you bought:
KFC, chicken cutlet, goreng pisang

19. Who is your favorite visual artist?
Dunnno any

20. You’re stuck on an deserted island with two other people, who would you want to be stranded with?
I rather be alone.

21. You’ve won a major award and have thanked your family, who else would you thank?
My friends

22. Current worry?
School

23. Current hate?
Myself

24. Favorite place to be?
Home

25. How did you bring in the New year?
Smile to myself.

26. Where would you like to go?
A lot of places

27. Do you own slippers?
Yes one and only.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
White Quiksilver Tee.

29. Do you burn or tan?
tan?

30. Favorite color(s)?
Blue

31. Would you be a pirate?
Nope

32. Are you gay?
No

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I dun sing

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Some guy that I'm scared of. I can't remember his face though.

35. What’s in your pockets right now?
Nothing's in my pocket

36. Where are you?
home, in my room

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
I didn't get to choose

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
I'm not going to tell.

39. You’re on a trip around the world and have to select five landmarks to visit, what would you pick?
Harry Potter theme park! Great wall of China, Eiffel Tower, argh I can't think now.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
4. Oops is that a lot?

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Er... Dunno.

42. Who is your quietest friend?
Can't think of any. If it is a friend, he/she won't be quiet with you what.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Er YES (like real)

44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
Never saw any

45. What is your favorite book?
Harry Potter, Harry Potter and Harry Potter!

46. What is your favorite candy?
Kinder Bueno and I forgot another one. Shit, how can I forget?

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I dun even want a wedding.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Hahas this is fun, All the songs in my computer. But most importantly, Canon.

49. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Preparing to sleep.

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Do i need to wake up early for school today?

Random stuff I come across from my life..

2010-07-05T21:34:00.002+08:00

Yesterday when I was queuing up for KFC, i hear someone behind me say,"Coke dou bu hao he".
Lol. To me, coke hen hao he. So i frowned at myself. Lol.

Today when I was in the bus, there was 2 girls sitting behind me and they are in a conversation. They are just gossiping around, but I really don't understand why one girl was scolding WTF (the expanded the form) so fluently. I don't understand why she can connect it to her sentences so fluently and why there is a need to. It irritates me totally. Haix... I hope this will not become a culture of singapore.

Horror. Hahas

2010-07-02T23:34:00.003+08:00

Ended the holidays on a sad note, because it signify the start of exams. Boo. Hmm... before I talk about the disastrous exam, let me talk about this long but not too long, short but not too short holiday (Sorry ah, english very broken, can't find anything better for this).

Week 1 --> AB camp. Haix. Don't talk about it. hahas. You can read the 4000++ word post for more details.

Week 2 -->Suffering from the aftermath of AB camp (in fact i'm still suffering from it now). And during the weekends I had a fun time with my cousin and nieces at Malacca. Yay!

Week 3 --> I forgot what I did. Er... I think it was a slack week la. In fact, I think i tried to study but it was a failure. Hahas.

Week 4 --> This is the trying to mug week. Although its not very successful, but I at least got myself to study for a while everyday. Yea great improvement I think, because this is something that is impossible back in my secondary school days.

Examinations - Start of the horror.
Hahas I think this would be a great horror to everyone. Everyday there's lots to hear about people complaining how disastrous their paper was. And its no exception for me. I do not have high hopes, but I just hope that its not all fail, like what happened for lecture tests.

Can't wait to get back my results. I want to know how bad it was, and hopefully it will motivate me to work harder. (Although it never work for me since secondary school days) JC is really very different. Last minute work and study won't work for exams at all. Last time last minute read a bit then every easy can pass, but now its like impossible. Got to buck up got to buck up... Cannot let down those people who have high hopes for me. yea

Investiture coming soon. I think this event very boring. Like not much things to do. Only go on stage pass the tokens then everything finished. Haix. Quite busy term for ava I suppose. There's 2 sessions that I can't squeeze in, so KIV lo. And there's this super big event Paradigma. Heard that minister and media coming. Woah. Really looking forward to it.

OK thats all I got nothing else to say. Or should I say I can't think of anything else to say. Hahas.

Time to get started

2010-06-20T22:41:00.002+08:00

After my 4000++ words long post yesterday, I was really proud of myself, and the wound from AB camp did heal a bit, which is good. I felt more relaxed and more... Don't know what word to use, but its better la.

Since the holidays, I have been developing several bad habits.
1) Keep eating non-stop.
I have been pampering myself with all the good food I can find at home and I'm like eating 4-6 meals a day? That sounds crazy but yea thats what I'm doing. If i don't start exercising, the weighing scale is not going to forgive me. I did to do something about it.

2) Sleeping late
I'm always a more active person at night, and when I know that there's no school tomorrow, I don't even feel tired until like 2am or 3am? And recently I have been sleeping around that time and waking up at 10plus 11 plus. Sleeping late is actually bad for health and I actually feel more tired when I sleep late. So I also need to do something about this.

3) Staring at TV and Computers all day long
Ah this is a problem since donkey years ago. It is impossible for me not to stare at them, because they are just like a part of my life, but the problem is I'm not studying at all. Thats a very bad thing and Exams are merely 1 week away. DO something.

Ok I've got lots more bad habits but these are the only ones that I can think of right now. So I have come up with plans to change these habits, reason being I don't want to have a hard time accommodating school, and I don't want to fail my exams, with all pressure pressing on me. I have always been putting all my stress away, doing whatever I like. Its time I step out of my comfort zone, put 'things' away, to take up my responsibilities and behave like someone I should.

Plans for now
1) Go to bed by 11pm
2) Wake up by 8 am tomorrow
3) Do some exercise
4) Study (Hmm... What should I study... Sian totally no idea. I think have to plan? but my plan always doesn't work)
5) Draft a study plan and make sure I follow it.

STEP OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!

AB camp

2010-06-15T02:26:00.007+08:00

Hmm... AB camp has been over for almost 2 weeks, and seriously I don't feel like talking about it ever again. But everyone is so happy and excited about it, and somehow it gives me the urge to want to say it out. But then again, I don't feel like mentioning it ever again... Every time I talk about AB camp its like plucking out the knife from my wound and stabbing it back into the wound again. Very contradicting right? Yes I know. I'm always living in contradictions. Wanted to blog about this since last Thursday, but was too lazy and frustrated about this.

AB camp has a very very big impact on me. VERY BIG. Both good and bad. The bad part is not because AB camp is sucky or whatever. The problem all lies with me. Yes me.

Actually I don't feel like going to AB camp at all. Seriously I felt damn sian. But after Gabriel's encouragement, I decided to adopt a more positive mindset and go for AB camp.

So on monday morning, I woke quite early, had a nice hot bath, double checked my stuffs, and happily went for Ab camp. Actually i was quite excited about it, partly because I had never go for such a long camp before.

[Day 1]
Reached quite early, didn't want to go up to the hall to report so early, so I sat at the bench outside the bookshop to wait for someone i know to come. Jhia Hao came first and he forgot to bring his EZ-link card. Damn funny, he ran all the way to the Mrt station to buy one. See la. Rich guy everyday take taxi to school forget bring ez-link card. Hahas. Then after that when it is about 0725, we went up to the hall to gather. Everyone is like so quiet and solemn. There were people still walking in after 0730, so Instructor Richard ordered us to get into push up position. Got quite a shock, but I think this is necessary. A shock to let is feel the importance of the camp. Yeap after that was collection of valuables and stuffs. Went for a small games session at the MPH. We sat in a circle for self introduction.I really lost count of the number of times I did self introduction since I entered AJC. Although its quite a different kind of self introduction, but I'm also tired of it. And another thing is, I think it is damn weird that Gabriel is in my group la. 2 AVA presidents in a group? weird right... Then after that played some games to get to know more about each other. I think the games was ok... Not too bad. First game was the 2 groups with a cloth in between, then one person will stand behind the cloth on each side. When the cloth is lowered they got to shout each other's name, the faster one will win. Hahas, actually I played this before, quite fun. And unfortunately I lost hahas. I have slow reflexes. Next is the everyone think of a country you like to go then sit down and talk. Quite boring for me tough. After that... is we have to separate ourselves according to where we stay then we have to say an interesting place in your area. Quite boring for me also. Last game is the hold hands catching. That is interesting. Thats all for games. I hope I didn't miss out anything. I'm trying very hard to recall... Okay after games was checking in to our bunk. The bad thing is, I'm not in the same bunk as most of my group members, but the good thing is, I'm in the same bunk as JinYue. Yay, at least there's someone I know hahas. Checking in was quite scary I thought. We got to move the tables, arrange our bags nicely, clean the classroom, make sure there is no dust...

After that was the starting of Workshops. First workshop is the Goal Setting Workshop. It is separated for the CCA heads/Councillors and Class leaders. So I get to meet ZhiYing. And the lucky thing is, Red Cross is in the same group as me so I get to talk to Loshana and Desmond hahas. When you know someone in the group, It is always easier to do things =) So did goal setting for a case study (BMW) and the instructors commented on it. After that we are supposed to do it for our own CCA and let the Instructors comment on it also. For my group, the instructor is Bing Ru. So Damn weird la. We got to present AVA stuff to AVA VP. Why has my senior got to do with everything? LOL. But in the end I didn't have the time to present to him because of time constraint and mine was the last group. So hahas. Prevented the awkward situation. Bing Ru was damn dao during the camp. Ok la he's always so dao. Hahas.
Then after that had briefing for meal times and then went for lunch. Quite complicated I thought, but it turned out to me quite ok. Lol. Actually the food was quite okay, but I still hate vegetables. I remember Gabriel asking me during the first meal,"You sure won't ear the vegetables right." Then I replied,"No choice, try to eat lo." And then he nodded and walked away. Lol. In rhe end I also didn't manage to finish, but I ate a lot I guess.Lol
After lunch was the RAMS Workshop. Risk Assessment and Management System Workshop. I tried very hard not to fall asleep because it was lecture style. Hahas manage to pull through somehow. After that went to hall for a mini SL project and we got to practice our RAMS. This is quite fun, as it is hands on activity, makes it easier to learn. Sitting down there listening to someone talk and talk doesn't work on me at all.
Games after that. The games was fun! So we ran around the school from one place to another for our games. Every time the instructors will ask us how much time we need to get to the next location then we got to adhere to it. Efficiency. I think our group did quite okay for this part, which is a good thing, as we didn't disappoint the instructors and ourselves. Played 3 games- the mine game, the pail game and the colour game. Shall not talk about learning points here. Went for Dinner and bath after that. Then gathered at the hall again. We were praised for being early, but got scolded for the mess at the washing area. For that we has to do 5 pushups(If I don't remember wrongly). Yea and It was then that I learn about asking for permission and all that stuff. I thought it was cool. It was 9 Plus close to 10 pm at that time and we had to go for the RAMS Workshop Part 2. Seriously I was already very tired but in the end still persevered through all that stuff. Then it was supper. Hahas. There comes the salty milo. It was the first time I tasted salty milo and everyone was complaining about it. Surprisingly, to me, It didn't taste that bad. I don't know why, but I thought it was Ok. Also, glucose was given to every group and everyone had to fill up their bottles to them brim and then pour glucose in. Our group didn't had any glucose because there was one group which took 2. So we have to wait for leftover from other groups. After that went back to bunk and slept. By that time it was already 12 plus close to 1. I was too tired and fell asleep quickly.

[Day 2]
Woke up at about 6? Cos got to gather at 0620. Wah Damn sian, sleep so late wake up so early. Washed up and went for breakfast. Had no appettite at all. So early also cannot eat sia... I think i only ate a few mouthfuls and threw it away. THen packed my stuffs and gathered to get ready for Day Expedition. Collected our food, maps and logistics. Went up the bus to get to our starting point. For Norma (My group name), starting point is at the Bougainvillea Park.It was our first stop and we played the foot to foot game. It was quite difficult because we couldn't tie our shoelaces together, so we have to depend only on teamwork. There was this once that we almost reached and had to restart and we all felt very "ke xi" (er... how to say in english). Yea but after that we were more cautious and pulled through. Yay. Second stop turf city. I have no idea how long we took to walk there, about 30 min I guess and we had to calculate the cost of a meal there. There were many things so we had to split the work. Didn't get it the first time but we got it the second time. Next stop was supposedly to be Bukit timah hill but because of time constraint changed to Bukit Batok Nature reserve (Hope I never remember wrongly). This was a very long journey and seriously I'm so tired that I think I can faint anytime. If not for Norma, I would have just sat down somewhere on the road stop there. They are my motivation, my reason to carry on. We took a very very long time to reach Bukit Batok nature park, and then we had the blindfold game there. The game was damn confusing, and it was only after that game that I realised I played wrongly. Oops. Hahas. After that we carried on with our journey again. We started eating on the way and I was chewing an apple on the way. I'm not sure whether I was very hungry or what, the apple was nice. Hahas. We walked around bukit timah nature park and suddenly, we came to a stop. Noel got stung by a bee. So we had to stop and wait for the safety vehicle to some and attend to her injury. So we went to sit down at some area near the carpark for lunch while waitng. Wah I don't feel like eating the food at all, only felt like resting. I have no idea how far I walked and I was really very tired. In the end I was forced to eat 2 slices of bread, through the persuading, encouragement, pestering by my group mates and Gabriel. Hahas. The bread was like damn dry and I really have no idea how I managed to forced it down my throat. After Mr Ng came to attend Noel's injury, we sat for a while and left when a monkey suddenly popped out of nowhere. Some people started screaming and that marked continuation of our journey. And there, we walked and walked again... Until we reached the bukit timah town park. Wah sian that park I really almost cannot make it anymore. There we played the searching game and we didn't manage to complete it, unfortunately. Went to bukit gombak MRT station after that, intending to go to Clementi, before chionging to West Coast Park. Yea but things didn't turn out so as well, because there's some who can't use their ez link card because it was expired. Super irritating, at this point of time cannot use. What to do man? Sian... Why is there so many things happening to us? Then Gabriel said since one of the ground rule is "One for all, All for one", we all have to walk to West Coast. Wah I was damn frustrated at that point. Cos its like why the stupid card must expire at this time? Haix... and now the whole group must "suffer" because of me? Then we walked for about 5 min, Mr Ng wanted to come down to settle our card for us, cos it was impossible to walk there. And yea, he bought the standard tickets for us so we can take the MRT and continue our journey. Hmm now then I remember I haven't return him the money yet. Oops. And so we took the MRT, and started to chiong to West Coast. So we walked fast and at the last part I started to feel that I cannot take it so I started slow down. Felt very sick and the only thing I feel like doing is stop. But seeing my group getting further and further away from me, I felt guilty and I told myself to try to keep up with them. As much as I want to I couldn't. So at the last part, I walked slowly to the point where everyone gathered. When I reached, I practically fell down on my butt and I felt damn sick. Don't feel like standing up at all. But after like 2 min, we were told to stand up and walk to the bbq pit to start the fire for outdoor cooking. Super sian sia.. When you feel sick, you still got to do things that you didn't want to. So I walked damn slowly, behind my group. When I reached there, I couldn't take it anymore so I just sat there, hugging my back, hopping to recover or something. Then Gabriel, Esther, ZhiYing, and my group mates came asking me like how I'm feeling so on so forth. I was feeling damn sick and seriously, if you ask me, I have no idea what's wrong with me at all. And at that point of time, I just feel like sitting there to rest forever and ever. And I totally don't have the strength to go and reply anyone anything. Sorry If I dao anyone XP Then after a while they asked the RC people to attend to me. Wah sian... I really don't know how to react at that time sia. Then sat there and rested for a while. Then after that I took Mr Chia's car back to school. Then went to 1114 to rest. i rested a while before joining back my group. And so i missed the outdoor cooking and when i joined back they are having their so called dinner, Nasi Lemak. Same thing, don't feel like eating at all, so I sat there, watching everyone eat lo. Wah I was looking at the food and I really feel like puking sia. Don't know why. lol. Yea after that was SL project preparation. Got to prepare the presents, trial the games, blabla. After that is Conflict Management Workshop. And I was feeling sick again. So after that Workshop, I couldn' take it anymore, so I was sent to the headquarters, and then was sent home.

[Day 3]
Slept through the day. Went to the doctor, took medicine, went home, and sleep again. The Doctor gave me a 2 day MC. Actually this is a good chance for me to pon the camp, cos I wasn't even intending to go in the first place right? But I don't know why, something tells me that I must go back. When I'm at home, resting, the camp will come to my mind here and then and i will start wondering things like how they are doing, what they are doing and things like that. And so I decided that I want to return to camp the next day.

[Day 4]
Was still on medication, so i had to wait for the effect to wear off before returning to camp. Had lunch and returned back to camp in the afternoon. I knew I missed a lot of things so I was quite lost, kept asking around what happened and what was happening so on and so forth. It was lunch time when I joined back the camp. Then after lunch was games session. First game was acid river. We didn't manage to finish it, but we persevered on, and I feel damn useless during the game. After that was the square game. It was super fun and during the last square, we were facing a lot of difficulties but eventually we still manage to complete it during the last chance given.Yay! Norma is so bravo man. lol. After games was the emotional SOS Workshop by our school counsellor,Mr Lionel Chan. I think he's a very good speaker and he's really humorous. I didn't fall asleep during the workshop at all. After that is the briefing for Night Expedition. After that went to bath, have dinner. and off for a nap before Night Expedition. I don't know why, but I just can't fall asleep, so I practically was awake he whole time. After like 1 hour plus some instructor came up and said that we have to gather at Aj square in 10 min. And so I grabbed my bag and slowly walked down to gather. Lol it was so dark and all the instructors was standing there. Had a hard time finding where my instructors were standing. I was the first one to reach and then I was standing in front of them alone and It was like so awkward. After that we proceeded to the canteen to wait for departure. In the mean time, we played the newspaper game. It was like really crazy man. Went to the foyer for facilitation and briefing for night ex. Then warmed up before leaving. We waited for quite long because we are the last wave. Left school at around 11pm I guess.

[Night Expedition]
Haix this is the last thing that I would want to recall during the whole of AB camp. i think i can commit suicide after this man. Didn't take my medicine because I wanted to go for Night Ex. The stupid medicine makes me drowsy, thats why. But in the end, It seems like its a wrong choice, but never mind yea. An so we started our journey on a light note and everyone was trying to hype up the spirits. And we had an aim from the start - to see the sunrise at marina barrage. So at the start we started play this game called 7 up. And quite quickly, we reached our first checkpoint, some void deck near the Bishan salvation army. We played our first game, don't really know how to describe that game yea so I shall continue. We finished the game quite fast and so we carried on. Wah the next stop was like so damn far la. It takes forever to reach. I heard someone saying we have to walk pass 8 overhead bridges and I was like counting... 1, 2, 3, 4... Why does the 5th one take forever to reach? On the way I hardly talk, because I'm already very tired and I don't have to strength to talk at all, but I can hear people constantly trying to keep the spirits up and keep us going. And on the way there's also a lot of people who kept asking me ok not. Everytime they asked I only gave them a ok hand sign. Felt quite paiseh tough, cannot explain why but yea. On the way we stopped at a busstop and went for a toilet break at the cathay. Then we reached fort Canning Park. Stayed there quite long cos we have to take turns to walk the path individually. Hehes it was to test our courage. I didn't think it was scary at all, but the paiseh thing is I walked the wrong path oops. After that we proceeded again. This time is the crazy time. I started to become the navigator and I seriously had problems trying to figure out the map. So I kept asking for help from people around me. Then its like when I was in front the people behind kept saying walk faster and I thought I was walking very fast already la. And then my 2 feet started aching and then I started to limp and slow down. Wah damn pain sia. Never had this kind of pain before. So I passed the map to someone and walked slowly behind. Then the boys also came forward to help me carried my bag and stuff. Haix then Gabriel called the safety vehicle when we reached the very colourful bridge part. How I wish Gabriel didn't call. I wanted to complete the whole journey with Norma, but I know at that point of time I also could not keep up with the speed. Haix... Haix... Haix... SIan Once again abandon Norma, and Esther couldn't complete the journey because of me also.. I know she wanted to... And I also caused a lot of trouble for the instructors. Haix... (This will be the first and last time I'm going to talk about this, Its just like stabbing the knife into my wound again)
So took Mr Edwin Chia's car to Marina Barrage. And after that then I know that its muscle strain. Wah muscle strain is so damn pain la, especially when you strain it 2 times. The left leg is still aching until now(when I do certain things la)... and its like 15 days after the camp? Ok la don't want to exaggerate, the pain comes only when i squat down or when I stretch that part of the leg yea. Ok fast forward >> Then I reached Marina Barrage I sat there, think about a lot of things, think about my group, my instructors, then I emo, then haix............... fast forward again>> Then my group came and I was super proud of them and I can see all their happy faces. And haix.......................... And they managed to see the sunrise! Bravo man! Then we had facilitation about the night ex, and esther asked me to say my feelings and all these... Haix................. >> then had nasi lemak for breakfast and we got our AB camp Tee shirt! But I don't think I deserve it at all =( And then we took the bus back to school.

[Almost the end]
On the bus everyone was very tired and fell asleep. Then went to bath, sleep a while, lunch then went for the ceremony. Got our cert(which I don't deserve also), instructors also got their cert and photo taking. Hmm... then We had our non salty milo, some nice food, we had the Gem game. Then it was time to go home. I don't know why but I suddenly don't feel like going home at all. I hope AB camp lasted for 10 days.

[The end of this, the start of another]
You will not believe this, one thing I have learnt is the virtue of drinking water. Plain water. Friends around me would know that I am a person who hates drinking water. But AB camp changed me, although I still don't really like it, but I don't hate it anymore. Sometimes, when you look at things from different perspectives, it gives you a whole new different experience and you won't feel so negative about it anymore.

I've really learnt a lot a lot a lot of things from AB camp, from my fellow group mates, from my instructors, and all the others involved. If I had another chance, I would really want to start again and complete the whole camp with Norma. Although its impossible, and I really regret a lot of things, but I would never forget what AB camp had given to me and I will cherish it.

Throughout the whole camp, I am actually a very useless person. I am most(99.99%) of the time a follower, and if there isn't a need, I would not open my mouth at all. Seem this is how useless I am.

Hmm another thing... comfort zone. I am a spoilt brat. I have to admit. This camp has got me to realise that and I have been forced out of my comfort zone, far away from what I consider as comfort. I think it is time for me to realise that in real life, this is what is expected of me and since I am chosen to lead, I have to push myself out of it. I fell back to my comfort zone right after the camp and I think the first step I have to do now is to push myself to study, not forgetting the extra pressure that I have.

I have been blessed with very nice group mates and instructors and I was very touched but their concern and encouragement(and the card). I know there will never be a second chance, and this will forever be my regret, but I will not let this regret overtake my life. I will have to get out of it and this serve as my motivation to carry on, to succeed, to cover up for this lost in me. (hopefully)

Haix. Its 1:30am, 20 june now, see how long I took to type this super duper long post. This definitely has broken my record. Bravo! Hahas. This will be the one and only time I will talk about AB camp, because I cannot bear to talk about it anymore, its a disgrace to me seriously. The only thing I will remember is all the values given to me and all the lessons learnt. And also, I will remember my wonderful groupmates and instructors!

[THE END]

Getting use to the hectic life in AJ...

2010-05-16T00:52:00.002+08:00

Hmm... another busy week had passed. Been lagging behind work, and I am supposedly to catch up this weekend, but I don't think the progress is going well. Well, I hope I ca buck up a little tomorrow and complete most of the homework.

Indeed, this week had been a very busy week, and I've been staying back for 4 out of the 5 weekdays, for AVA. Although tired, I always feel very happy during AVA times and especially after finishing an event. Gives me a sense of satisfaction =) That day I was telling everyone in AVA that I failed my lecture test badly. Gabriel looked at me in disbelieved. I know that, as the president, it gives me an invisible additional responsibility that I must be able to cope with both studies and CCA well, but It seems like I'm still not doing very well. Does this mean that I am not fit to be the president? As much as I want to, I will continue and try to work hard so that I will live up to the name of president.

June holidays coming soon. Although it is named "holiday", I think the amount of time I have for holiday is very little. First week, I got the 5 day AB camp (Argh I hate Camp and it 5 day somemore, OMG). Second week, lectures. Then during the holiday, still got to do PW research and revise for test, because straight away after the holidays, there's mid year exams, and I must study hard for it, cause it will definitely affect my promos. Jiayous okay. I wanted to plan AVA outing, but some people like yining doesn't look keen, as they want to prepare for their exam. ZZZ. Then class outing , friend outing blabla. Its been a long time since I went out with my friends. Must find a time to meet them and have a hearty talk. I don't want our friendship to break here. I want it to last as long as possible, and this is not just about saying "friends forever" and the friendship will last forever. Everything must be maintained. Time to meet up for maintenance. I know it will be a very busy one, but its okay, I'm prepared for the challenge.

Next week will not be a so hectic week. I only got to do AVA on Wednesday and the big event on saturday. Yea and I'm really looking forward to it. So I'll try to catch up more during this not so hectic week :)

It was mothers' day yesterday...

2010-05-10T16:53:00.000+08:00

Ok I was sick yesterday so I didn't feel like blogging (BTW, its just an excuse for not blogging.).

Supposedly have to go Ah Ma's house for dinner, but I just said I'm not feeling well so I didn't go. Btw, I also don't find it meaningful at all. What's the point to celebrate Mother's Day when they didn't even have a proper reunion dinner? Its only an excuse for them to have a good meal. Moreover, everyone also never sit down together and eat, so what's the whole point? Seriously, I am still very angry until now about the reunion dinner. Haiz... Forget it, one day... ONE DAY, I will start earning money and ask everyone out for reunion dinner so that everyone can sit down TOGETHER and eat. I strongly believe that this one day will come. Wait and see...

I'm not very close to my parents, but I'm not very drifted apart from them also... Maybe because we are blood related and there is always this link that connects us together?Well... My mother had to work on Mothers' Day, how sad is that. early in the morning 5 am she got to go to the confectionery to work, then 7 plus am she got to go for her cleaner job, weekend mornings she got to go market to sell fish and weekend afternoon she got to go help other people clean house. Sometimes in the evening she still got to go to the confectionery again. What the hell is she doing? Then she always like to eat leftover, and when i scold her she just thinks that I am inconsiderate blabla. And because of this Uncle David scolded me before lo. Idiotic shit. I mean, you see when you see your own mother like that, sometimes you just wish that she can pamper herself by staying at home for one day, treating herself with something nice. I feel very useless because I am not able to help her. I know the only way she wants me to help is study and get good results blablabla. She's very proud of my PSLE and O levels results. Although its not the best la, but to her, its very good already. I know her wish is very easy, but what about mine? I just want her to treat herself better, don't work so hard, eat better and that stupid Daddy of mine, please take care of yourself and stop pestering her. Happy Mummy's Day. Next time, when I grow up, I will bring you to a restaurant, I promise =)

Next I want to wish all the others who have always been like mother to me.

First is Ah ma : Although I don't really like you, and I'm not close to you, and you don't dote on me like you are to Jonathan and Audrey, but you are my ah ma. Happy Mother's Day. I know you don't like to go out eat, but next time, I will bring you out to eat.

Next is my godmother: I know you love me a lot, every time I get good results, my birthday, CNY, you are sure to give me big rewards. Although we don't see each other that often, but there's just this bond between us. And I know you really treat me like your own daughter. <3

Next is my 2 aunties (Irene and Joanne) : I know you two also treat me like your own daughter. Every time you all treat me to good food, buy things for me, give me money to spend joke and play with me and many more. You are the 2 best aunties I have. <33

Lastly, I wish all mother's a Happy mothers' Day =)

Another hectic week. Over.

2010-05-08T11:47:00.002+08:00

Seriously I want to thank god for letting it be saturday today. It was a hectic week and I the time i spend in school is crazy.

For the past 4 days, I've been staying back in school until at least 8 pm. But its not stay back to study la. Its for AVA. there are concerts like every week and we are like involved for every event? Last week CLDDS, yesterday Harmonica, and next week there's guitar. Then after that still got a major event, college day. So busy right. But no choice, we are a service CCA.

Hmm, had CCA on wednesday, supposedly it was EXCO interview, but Mr. Chan was not free and he asked Gabriel and Bing ru to interview us. They already did so there's no need for another interview. Then after that they discussed with Mr Chan and the EXCOs was chosen. Yi Ning became welfare officer, Sing Yi Secretary, Zhi Ying VP and me the P. It was shocking, I seriously thought Zhi Ying will become the president lo, because he's the one who chiong to do everything everytime there's an event. Yup so its like that and I think its like so weird to become the president lo. Its like everyone started to say, ''eh you boss leh!" and when teacher have a request I ask them go down help then they will also say, "Wah president liao ah". I don't know whether Zhi Ying is upset or not (As Yi Ning says, this is reality), and Seriously I don't like this kind of differentiation. I know its very "prestigious" and I have never tried this before, so yea let the 6 of us or rather 10 of us show how awesome we are. Don't always bring out the president word to shoot at me please.

PI handed in on thursday, like finally. I know I did badly, but I tried my best, and this is the draft that I put in a lot of effort. So I just hope things don't turn out too badly, although its only 6%, but it means a lot.

Wasted the 3 days of holidays doing nothing. And I'm lagging behind now. Supposed to use these 2 days to catch up, lets hope everything turns out well, because I know next week is another hectic week.

Tomorrow need to go out to discuss GPP, hope everything will turn out well. I think my PW group is like so bad. I seriously don't like that guy. And we always have very heated discussions. By the way, I think tomorrow he will not be coming? Don't care, he don't want come his problem.

Next week week got 3 tests, must buck up and study. Other than that, I think nothing much. So Jiayous!

Weekends are nice...

2010-05-02T10:27:00.002+08:00

Been wanting to blog, but apparently I was too busy during the weekdays and yesterday I forgot about it.

This is a busy week. Out of the seven days, I'm involved in AVA for 5 days. Crazy right. But never mind. Next week will be quite ok.

MOnday was a normal school day. Ran 2.4 and I passed... by quite a lot of time (16.14). I never get this kind of timing before lo. Its like so unbelievable and I'm soooo happy. I also had chemistry lecture test and its like damn difficult? I would be damn happy if I were to pass it.

Tuesday was a busy day. Had NAPFA test also and sadly, the only thing I failed is inclined pull up. ARGH. I don't know what is going to happen if I need to do everything again I would cry. I had a hard time running 2.4 =( LOL. Ok Tuesday was Mr Tan, our technician's farewell party as well. Have been planning for this since very long. So generally was ok, Mr Tan was touched and the teachers was very impressed with the J1s. But the sad thing is not all the J2s turned up. haix... Seriously J2s got a lot of attitude problem sia. I'm not going to let this happen to J1s.

Wednesday, Thirsday and Friday got to stay back for CLDDS until 9+ everyday. It is like so sian and we feel very angry. Because they are treating us like nothing. ZZZZ They are the worst people I ever worked with lo. Council is so much better =) LOL I was damn pissed when the teacher asked me why I need the walkie talkie and she claims that if I use the walkie talkie, I will distub her audience. Screw her la. If don't use walkie talkie how to work how to communicate. I also pity Mr Chua la, got to work with this kind of people and satisfy their stupid demands. Ok anyways, the event was over and I thought their performance was really good, with some faults here and there (It was fine during the rehearsal). It is also the first time I'm working with Mr Chua, the new AVA technician, and it was fine, not as bad as I first thought. And also he's really professional, so I suppose I can and I will learn a lot from him =)

Saturday was the day I could sleep at last, after all those hard work. Cleaned up my room in the afternoon. Seriously it has been ages since I cleaned my room. There's dust everywhere and piles of worksheet, books, newspapers lying everywhere. I swear its like 10 times more tidier now. Yesterday got to work alone. Went to Singapore Conference Hall to help the Chinese Orchestra for video filming. I think my video taking skills not very good. And I'm sorry If I ruined everything. Hope Mr. Chua will not scold =P And yea the CO teacher was very nice, compared to the CLDDS. Oops. Ok shall not compare. I know this is part and parcel of life. I just hope the coming events will be pleasant.

Oh ya I suddenly remember, Wednesday I did the GP presentation at last. Suppose to present it on tuesday but then because of some irresponsible people... Yea I'm not going to talk about him. I complained about him to many people already. Yea I did the presentation and Mrs sudhir (how to spell? I forgot. SORRY) said my conclusion was good. I felt good about that =P Although its like last minute thing. Hahas. Actually its a really good feeling, which made me want to push myself further, and harder. And I'm actually not so scared of presenting in front of the class anymore. Its a good thing I suppose. Can train for PW also. =)

yeap I suppose I'm going out today and I will not be doing my homework again. So the only thing is I leave it to tomorrow to do. Sianx I know there's no way I can finish it. Must work harder already lo. Go on.

23 April 2010

2010-04-23T22:46:00.002+08:00

Hmm... Today was generally a good day, but my father just pissed me off.

Haix... I think one of my saddest thing in life is that your parents don't trust you. WTH man. Its like they want me to tell them everything, and my father is like wanting me to tell him where i spend my every cent. He said himself, that my pocket money is only for food and bus fares, so school stuff I can get from him. Everytime I try to ask for money, he will just ignore me like I'm part of the air surrounding him or either scold me saying that I spend too much money and he's not giving me money anymore. Haix... He thinks he's very big and he's the King or whatever. I obey him, not solely because I'm a coward, but because he is my father, and I believe he still deserves my simplest repecet, and I still don't find it a chore to address him as "daddy". But one day if I find it a chore to respect and address him, everything will be over. Seriously, I don't owe him anything other than my body. I did everything he wanted, I cared for him , and I tried to give him everything I can give him. I know he doesn't appreciate all my efforts in any way, and what I've done is meaningless to him. Don't try to control me, I'm not your puppet. I'm your flesh and blood, so my temper will not be any better than you. I'll make you realise how good I am one day, and I will let you know that I don't need your love at all. I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. There's many others out there who love me, and the most important thing is I love myself. You want money isit? I'll make you die in your money.

Haix I really don't understand, why on earth did I get this kind of parents? Of course I know there are a lot of people out there whose parents are many times worse than mine, but thats not the whole point. Shouldn't all parents love and dote on their children? Why on earth did they show biasness,, why on earth is there abuse and dislike? Seriously, its very sad that your parents don't love you, don't show you any concern, don't even treat you like human. For every child, its the same, they need love. But seriously I'm numb to it already. If I'm someone who cry easily, my tears would have ran out. And as I recall, I've been crying because of you. I wasted my tears, for some meaningless people like you.

Forget it, for now , you totally spoil my mood. Luckily its only about 1 hour left for today. Anwyays, schooll was not too bad. I got 12/15 for my first chemistry test, and the lecturer manage to scare everyone with the GPP, and for physics, Mdm Tay said "very good" to me (It must be very insignificant to say that for her) and it was very nive and encouraging to hear that, makes me want to push myself further.

Yea after that went to NCHS for mentoring. It wasn't mentoring at all, because no one asked us any question, it was like night study for us LOL. And after that met my best friend for after a long long time. Had a good time eating together. Makes me think of all the times we had together, wonderful times, indeed.

Many things may have changed, but one thing will not change is that we have had these memorable times together, and no one will be able to change it.

School day 20/4/10

2010-04-20T17:40:00.002+08:00

Hi! I don't know what to write for the tiltle, so I decided to just put the date.

Anyways I just came home after PE, and tuesday is always the most tiring day of the week. Ran 7 rounds today, skipping the 2 warm up rounds (oops). Afternoon PE is always the more tiring one. I'm not sure whether if its my physcological effect, but yea its tiring. Although my group of PE people got scolded by the HOD (I didn't drop out halfway and I'm proud of it), but I'm happy because there's no more PE this week! Hurray!

Hahas let's talk about lessons today, its the same old thing everyday and I'm sort of like used to it (except PE). Hmm but something new learnt today is the SPA technique of how to heat the CuSO4 and evaporating the water away (See I learnt something. I didn't go to school for nothing). SPA is cool man. And yea Mrs Wong said that factor I wrote for econs was not bad (Hahas I don't understand why I'm getting happy over such insignificant things).

Hmm let's see... Oh ya and everyone sabo me to present my answers for the Question 8 for binomial series, so I got to prepare it for tomorrow. So unlucky right. But luckily I know how to do that hahas.

Yea and still got to complete the SPA worksheet, do one econs 10 mark essay, and do mass media powerpoint slides. Hmm not much, I think I will be able to finish at least 2 out of 3.

Yea nothing else, and yea, I hope you will come onlune and I want to ask you out =)

Bored... and starting to emo...

2010-04-19T17:39:00.003+08:00

I don't know why, I came home early, with one thing in mind, to sleep. But Its like 2 hours plus had (Or is it have?) passed but I'm showing no sign of falling asleep. Too bad. Once its pass 6, I won't let myself fall asleep if not tonight will be disaster man.

i was like browsing around in facebook, looking at friends profile and I sudddenly got this weird feeling. Funny huh. Actually since young I have not been popular among my friends at all. NOT AT ALL. Sometimes, I hope they remember me as much as I remember them. No choice, I can only blame myself for being so insignificant.

Suddenly I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my friends. I'm not trying to find excuses. But I'm a loner, as many would know, i normally would not take initiative to ask my friends out (partly because many times it would fail. And this is because I'm not popular enough. If someone more influential were to plan, it would be a definite success.). As my friends and I are drifting apart, I suddenly got the urge to ask them out. But I just think that its like a mission impossible because everyone is so busy with their school work, CCAs, and they also got their own friends so on so forth. I bet there's like a thousand reasons more I can find.

Even when I talk to them online, I can't even find a topic man. The only thing I have is,"how's school", "how's your cca?", "what you doing", and the most recent one, "how's your PI?". What kind of shit is this man. I just can't think of anything to say. Even they sometime ask me a question, I don't even know how to answer. Gosh. (Is there some lessons/Classes out there to improve on this? I sure go and enrol). I really pity those who claims they are my friends lo. I can sense that my new friends now are starting to find me irritating. Cos I always dao them on msn and phone. I think its time for me to reflect. When my friends are sad, I feel sad for them. But I don't know how to console them. I can only say shoulders is always here, and my arms are always open (But I bet nobody wants it =( ). when my friends are happy, I'm happy for them too. The only thing I can do is smile at them and say congrats. I'm not good at words, and this is the big big gap between me and my friends.

I know all of them out their has got new friends (Wah jealous leh), and its no exception for a loner like me. And I can see or rather I hope they had a good time with their good friends. Its hard to balance between new and old friends, on top of all the hectic school work.

Anyways, yea I know there's a million and one reason that I can find not to ask my friends out. But I just need one to tell myself I need to ask them out. It is because they are my friends. It takes years to build up that kind of trust and relationship but it only takes one second to destroy all that. I know. I understand. All these years, I've been telling people friends forever but does that really happen? I don't know. As much as I could, I will make it friends as long as possible.

Adapting?

2010-04-18T18:55:00.003+08:00

Hmm... I really love weekend. Although I still got to do my homework, but at least I can wake up later, and the feeling is just so good. Ahah. As usual, I'm still slacking but I think I'm quite resigned to the fact that I'm in a mugger school and the least thing I can do is try to keep up with the pace of tutorials. So far, I'm lacking a bit, but not very far behind, and yea, I will try to maintain, or ecen do better ;) Maybe thats the influence of too much muggers around me? Anyway, I just don't want to retain and I want my A level to have lots of As ok .

PE still sucks man. I really cannot believe that I survived all those crazy PE lessons. Its so crazy that I lose weight man. Hahas. I got 2 more Kg to get our of FUN club. Yea! Actually my aim is to pass NAPFA and hopefully turn all that fats of mine into muscles huh? HAHAHAHA. Mission Impossible. That must be a joke man.

PW is sucky. I totally have no idea what to do and Mrs Wong is like not telling us anything and she hasn't even vet my first draft. I know that first draft was a sucky one. OMG how am I going to get my A like that? I swear I will put in more effort for my second draft. I want A :(

AVA is still as fun as ever. But the previous session was not fun at all I swear. EXCO selection. Sianx. I think there's another round. OMG everyone is forced to comment on one another and I'm not even talking sense on that day. Of course I wish to become exco la, but if I can't get a position also not choice right. Its not so much of that problem la. Most important thing is I enjoy my time in AVA=)

I'm seriously still not used to sleeping late. And if I sleep later than 11pm, the next day will be a disaster man. Until now I cannot digest the fact that if I become EXCO, I wil have to sleep late. OMG. I seriously hate that kind of "I'm sleepy but I cannot sleep" feeling, and I also don't want to disturb my peers sitting beside me.

Shit I'm eating like mad today and there's PE tomorrow. I don't know what's going to happen to that weighing scale tomorrow. Bless me. ;)

I love Nan Chiau, I always.

2010-04-10T23:23:00.002+08:00

Yo! yea today went for a short familyouting and Nan Chiau Cultural Night. I'll use one word to describe - MARVELLOUS. At the same time, I also have lots of sentiments.

Lunch at Seoul garden was really fun, with the usual jokers Sing Yi and Huiru, and not forgetting all the sarcastic remarks the others were shooting around the table =) Aftert that went to the arcade, and I believe the others would agree with me that it was fun, with all the ball throwing and do on.

After that went to NYP biannually public performance. Don't know if it is my problem or what, the performance today was awesome! A band 1 school is indeed different huh... G-double O-D-J-O-B! Good Job! At the same time, I also saw quite a lot of Ex Nan Chiau friends, mingling around with each other before, in between and after the concert. Was quite envious, because it didn't happen on me, but it happened on others =( Shows how unpopular I am lo. Felt quite bad that Sing Yi had to sccompany me and she can't go around to mingle with her friends. I know a lot people wanted to talk to her. Sorry. But yea, emo stuffs aside, and was good to see that everyone was doing well. After all, it is most important that the others are happy right? YEA!

I've been looking forward to today for a very long time, as I miss my friends. I can't even remember when is the last time I met them. So seeing them today was definitely great, I believe no one will understand how good it felt.

To all my friends out there: I may have gone somewhere else and no longer close to you. I may have new friends and my own work. I may have changed to become a different person. I may be seeing you lesser. But one thing will not change, our friendship. I promise. Truly. Seriously. I have never forgotten anything that you left in me. Those memories. Be it happy or sad. Good or bad. Sorry if I have been not contacting you or anything. Tell me if you have anything in mind alright. I will always be here. Always. I promise. 24/7 round the clock =)

I think it is time to reflect on my own attitude and character, because I don't want to be the stubborn same old self. i swear I will refllect, and I will change for the better, definitely.

PS I love Nan Chiau, I love you. Always...

So far so good

2010-03-15T21:15:00.002+08:00

Hah its been such a long time since I blogged. A few weeks ago, I actually wanted to blog but I totally forgot about it moments later. Life in AJ was not too bad, of course needless to say, there are some tough times (e.g. PE) where by I need to perservere a bit to pull through lo.

The orientation was fun on the overall, but I'm not close to my Orientation Group (OG) because everytime there is free time, I will go and find those few NC people. And because of this, I turned down almost all OG gatherings. I feel very bad to my OG people and I sort of regret, because seeing the few of them so close together make me feel a little envious. But I know if I pangseh SingYi they all I will feel very bad also. So I'm really in a dilemma. But now there's no more OG, so I don't feel so bad anymore.

Next is lessons. The lesson I hate most is PE lessons! Haha. As an obese person with BMI>25, I really cannot stand all those running around the tracks especially in those hot weather. And as I said, if can persevere a little bit more, then all the suffering will end. I hope through these 2 years super though training, I can run and don't stop and hopefully pass napfa test with just one try la. Yup. Another thing I want to add, I hate lectures. I think lectures are useless. Nothing goes into my head during lectures. I think its more productive when I read the notes on my own. Although I'm still slacking and not doing my homework. Oops =p I think all my teachers are not too bad. Some very experienced, some very hardworking. THUMBS UP FOR THEM! But hor, I'm very scared of my physics teacher. She very scary sia. Are all female phsyics teachers so scary? Like Ms Oh. Scary but powerful at the same time.

Next is CCA. I'm a member of AJ AVA! Yea and I'm starting to love my CCA. Yea actually I wanted to join because its slacker CCA. But its not ok. There are times where we can only go home at 10 plus. Of course in AVA I can get some leadership positions, so I can go for AB camp. But if I didn't, I will still love my CCA la...
Actually wanted to join Council, and i fortunately passed the interview. But I gave up halfway, reason bring that I just don't like the way council do things. I know that I am actually I am depriving some others of this place and it has not been easy, ftom filling up the form, to wating 2 and a half hours for the interview. But no choice, I decided to go with my heart and do what I'm happy with =) I know that if i don't quit I will most likely become a council member and I also know that by quiting I am sacrificing all those things I wanted in the first place why I wanted to join. But yea, I didn't regret quitting SC at all, because I'm happy with my decision. And I also want to apologies to Sing Yi, for giving her pressure to quit council, cos she was really indecisive, so she needs some pressure.

Haix... I hardly see my friends anymore. Everyone is busy with their own things, and they will get even busier in time to come. I wish everyone all the best and I would like to tell all my friends out there, I have never forgotten anyone of you despite my senile brain. All those memories will stay in my mind forever no matter what. And I would want to thank each and everyone of you for giving me such an unforgettable memory.

New Year

2010-02-14T01:13:00.002+08:00

I wonder how bad CNY can get. Other than taking red packets, I can't think of anything thats happy lo. With the hostile relationships between one another, every family member is drifting further and further apart. I hope there will be one day whereby 3 big families can sit together happily to have a reunion dinner, and also gather during CNY TOGETHER. The 3 BIG families refer to My ahma's family, my family included in it, Lao Yi's family and My Godpa's family. I don't believe that I can ever see this scene in my life, but I swear, I WILL always try to work towards that. I've always see this kind of scenes on TV, but I wonder... whether this happens in real life or not. Why didn't the others want this? Haix... I don't want to elaborate any further. Dun want to get myself too agitated or angry.

I've decided to go for a checkup after CNY. One of my biggest fear is to fall sick. So I think I have to keep myself healthy. But as the saying goes, "The more KIASI you are, the faster you will die." I somehow believe this you know. lol. Yea I don't need to live tilll very old, but I don't want to die painufully.

Anyways, I hope that my friends will have a HAPPY CNY (getting a lot of ANG PAO money) and for those attached, Happy Valentine's Day. For those who are not, I hope you can celebrate it next year la hor. Everyone must be happy ok. Not happy tell me, although i might be very boring, I will try my best to cheer you up. Or at the very least, I am able to lend you my ear.

PS siewyan FHBF (me)! :P

A new start...

2010-02-06T22:06:00.003+08:00

Was trying to blog about my new school life but was too lazy until now. Well, I successfully got my first choice, Anderson JC, AJC gave me a good impression since the open house, so I was quite glad that I got in. But things are always are always not perfect right. My friends and I were separated and took our own to different paths.

I've had a lot of new experience in AJ, and these are definitely good ecperiences. Although I'm only in AJ for a very short time, I think I've changed for the better. Of course I'm not trying to say that NCHS did not bring me up to be a good person. I love NCHS too. I'm always a NC ren ok. 2 different school, 2 different cultures, 2 different experience. I love it.

Its only temporary lectures now but the homework can already freak me out. Its not much, but it is just that I cannot understand. Shall take this CNY break to catch up. Having come to a so called mugger school, the leasr thing that I should do is that I should'nt slack. I know that there will be no way for me to become a mugger, but I won' t remain as a slacker either. That's the least thing I can do to help myself isn't it. Nobody knows how my 2 years at AJ will be, lets just hope for the best things to happen to me alright? ultimately, I can't let those who dote on my down right. All I have to do now is Go on and on and don't ever turn back or take U-turns.

I am proud to say that I'm an AJcian and I like the school. During my 2 years in AJ, I will make sure that these will not just be empty words. I will put it into actions and make sure that I will not disgrace the school in anyway. NON MIHI SOLUM - NOT FOR MYSELF ALONE.

Loner Life

2010-01-22T20:38:00.004+08:00

Yea, as the title suggests. for the past few days, I have been soing almost everything on my own... Typical life of a loner... Sleep, eat, Play, watch tv... thats all I can do. And I must emphasize, I'm Fat.

I hope school starts soon, because I can refrain from too much eating while schooling. On the other hand, I'm quite scared that 27 January will come. Somehow, the only school I want to go is AJC only. So if I'm not in, I won't be too happy.

As the saying goes, "天下无不散之筵席", a lot of my friends will be parting with me. Or should I say I will be parting with my friends? Anyway, It is quite sad right. But yet it will be another great opportunity to meet new friends in a totally new environment. Yup, hard feelings aside, let this 2 years be a test between us, and I strongly believe that our friendship is strong enough to be tested. Yea, again I forget what I want to say liao... Stop here ba...

PS I had a lot of free time and just wanted to add colours to my blog.

A mixture of feelings

2010-01-16T22:42:00.006+08:00

I should have a lot of things to blog, but everytime i sit down decently wanting to blog, nothing comes out. Its one of the saddest things to be senile. Ok lets start. Quite a lot of things happened recently, one is the things is of course the release of O Levels result, and the other is my
Birthday! (Lol, so BHB hor)

Ok results... I thought this is a very sensitive topic, so I don't really dare to go and ask around for people's results. On that day (11th Jan 2010, Monday), I was surprisingly calm. When I reached school I heard a lot of rumours about Nan Chiau becoming a Band 1 school, I was already very happy. When Mr Ong entered the all with all of us waiting in anticipation, there was a big round of applause for him. Its sort of funny actually. While Mr Ong was showing us the slides, roars of applause filled the whole hall, and I can't even stop clapping. OMG NCHS students are BAND ! STUDENTS! Then we got back our results sleep from our respective form teachers. When I got back my results slip, I don't even dare to look at my results slip, for I'm scared that I will see something that will disappoint me... Then i started moving a piece of paper down the results slip, too see the grades one by one... The first one I saw is English Language. I first daw the TWO, then A. Wah siao! is this my result slip, got take wrongly not? I checked the name CAREFULLY. Hahas. Its mine leh. Then I started moving down again... Combined Humanities, THREE, B. Aiya too slow, all see together, then i move away the that piece of paper... All at a glance, I somehow feel happy. No Cs leh... Heng ah... better than I thought. A lot of people had good results too. I think it felt good to see happy faces. I felt a sense of relief. Lol. Then after that I started to feel a bit angry... Amaths 2 =( HMT 4=(((((( Haix... But I think I must be contented already lo... There are also a lot of subjects that i did unexpectedly better right? Yup... Everyone in my family thought I did well. Lols. Quite funny.

After a while of happiness, frustration overwhelmed me again... What school to school to choose now... A few time, I felt so frustrated that I has an urge to choose a poly. In the end, I chose AJC as my first choice after much frustration. Actually, I think this JAE had annoyed other people too. But the worse part of it is, people are actually going in their different ways. On of the saddest things is, I won't be going to the same JC as my BF. I dont mind being a Loner, but problem is, how am I going to maintain this relationship with my friends? Seriously this lone break after O levels had strained my relationship with my friends around me. It is not something that can be easily maintained by just talking in msn, sms-ng, and maple.(And yea maple does help me maintain a good relationship with people, at least 1) I've been trying to go out with some of my friends, but its like suddenly i got a lot of people to go out with. Then everytime organise halfway then nothing happened in the end. So pointless hor...

Next, my birthday. Getting older already. !7 years old. But I hope 18 will come soon. (Don't tell me cannot learn driving at 18 hor!!) Lols. Anyways I was quite happy because a lot of people wished me Happy Birthday.(of course not comparable to other people la. I don't have much friends in the first place, so I think its quite good to have so many people wishing me Happy Birthday) I receives 2 presents, one from siewyan, another one from JiaPei, and some red packets =) Yup, so to everyone who wished me Happy Birthday to me and everyone who gave me presents, ThankYou so much. I felt so honoured and your every present and word meant a lot to me. A lot of times I feel that some words are very hard to be said, so ps, everyone.

2009-12-18T14:58:00.004+08:00

This is my dream car. Actually, I don't know when did I start liking big and spacious car. The reason I want this car is very simple. I want to drive many people out. I'm a very fortunate person. Although my parents are bias sometimes, they didn't ill-treat me. A lot of relatives also dote on me very much. I feel so indebted to them. If I were to name them all and all the things they have done to me, I think I've got a long essay ahead of me.

My English standards is very low, so I can't really express the things I want to say...

But anyways, Uncle WK, Uncle WS, Godpa, Godma, Auntie ML, Auntie MK, Shirley sis, Shellin sis, Darren bro, SK bro (Hope I have named all) and everyone who once doted on me, I will never forget any of you and I swear as long as it is within my means, I will do my best to repay what you've given me. I know. I always know. For everything that you've have done for me, I really apprciate it. Words alone cannot express my gratitude for you. And I can hardly imagine these words can come out from my mouth... Thank You.

The days after Os...

2009-11-24T21:27:00.002+08:00

Os had been over for quite a few weeks... I've been doing the same things for everyday and I'm just like a... robot?
Its not really bored but i feel that my life is so meaningless.Television, eating, playing com, sleep. This is the life of a pig. Getting fatter everyday. My pants tells it all. And I've been having irregular sleeping patterns. Must shift it back to normal somehow, its not good for health.

There's so much thing I wanted to do but I'm just too lazy to get my ass out of the house. Quite a number of things to buy, and there's a lot of places I want to go. But its raining everyday, spoils my mood totally.

I was clearing my books and worksheets and I realise that there's so much assessment and worksheets that I did not do. Throwing them is a waste, so i left them on the shelves, hoping that I will just take out and do a bit of them when I have nothing better to do at home...

Been thinking of the past, happy memories indeed.
In primary school, there are really happy times like Ms Ng's tuition class where I would laugh and talk non-stop, calligraphy lessons with Mr Lee KN, primary 5 and 6 times like the camp, where we learnt our cheer in one night, Mr Chan who doted on us so much, the times the class played catching running about around the whole school, playing at the playground after school everyday... But too bad, I lost contact with almost everyone. Hope there's still a day where we will still get together...
In secondary school, all the way from the sec 1 orientation to the graduation day, I've met a lot of people who became my good friends, like my "family", and I believe we had a lot of happy times together too. I know I'm very bad to have badmouthed a lot of peole. I hereby apologise to everyone whom I had badmouthed. Sorry. I will try to remember each and every person whom I came across in my life. Of course, I hope we will always keep in contact and be friends forever.

Finally

2009-11-13T22:00:00.002+08:00

Had been looking for this day since I fon't know when. Finally, I don't need to press myself down to study anymore. I hate all those recurring nightmares of Os, which seriously bothers me so much.

I know I should be happy, but I'm not that happy after all. Looking back at the unrealistic target, I can't stop laughing at myself. Yes I did try my best for all the papers, trying till the very last minute. I know I made a lot of stupid mistakes, mistakes that I should not be making, but aiya, forget it. The 2 most screwed papers are Physics and Human Geography. I know I've let Ms Oh and Mr Tee down. Let's just hope I won't have to let the other teachers down anymore. I don't know what will happen on 12 January, I just hope I will improve at least 5 marks from my school prelims.

Panic engulfed me

2009-10-31T17:19:00.002+08:00

Next week is going to be a tough week and I got a feeling I won't do well...

Well... I know i just have to do my best right? But I feel very flustered and I don't know what to do...

I need bigger brain capacity to store information and my secrets...

Seems like near end, but it has barely started.

2009-10-25T20:24:00.003+08:00

In about 16 hours time, I will be sitting in Nan Chiau High School's hall taking my first O level Paper. I'm feeling reallt excited rather than scared. Sounds weird huh. 4 years of secondary school like is coming to an end just like that. It seems like only yesterday I received my PSLE cert. How time flies. I've lost contact with most of my primary school friends, and I've got a new bunch of friends in secondary school.

If there's a chance, I hope that 6 Diligence '05 could get together once more. Also, I hope 2G'07 could get together too. As for 4F'09, I've no idea. I know I'm really bias, but i just don't really like 4F as compared to 2G'07. I know its bad, but sorry, its a fact.

Hmm... I've got a family too. A family of 8 people. A lot of smart people in it. And I'm like the only dumbass. I hope our family can get together every year during our 'family day'. All the best to all- Choo, Chee, Siewyan, Sing yi, Hui ru, Ang and Jeannie.

Good Luck to everyone who is taking O levels this year.

I've told myself, from tomorrow onwards, I will step into the examination hall telling myself to do my best and step out of the examination hall telling myself I've done my best.
I've set a super high target for myself. And If I reach my target, I will have a hole in my wallet. lol.

English --> B3
Higher Mother Tongue --> A2
E Maths --> A1
A Maths --> A1
Chemistry --> B3 (Mrs Hay wants an A2, I'll try)
Physics --> B3
SS/History --> A1
Geography --> A1

Looks very nice, and I will try my best to achieve this very nice results. I want to make myself proud, and I want people to look at me differently, and I don't want to disappoint those who had high expectations for me.

Seems like near end, but it has barely started.

2009-10-25T20:24:00.000+08:00

Mission restarted

2009-10-06T19:09:00.002+08:00

OK this idiot failed last week to keep her promise. So today I will start another mission for 19 days till the O levels and I hope I will accomplish my mission one day... Miracles do happen you see... Lets start a mission impossible IV. Condition to complete mission: Do Everything listed below...

English 2003 Comprehension
E Maths 2006 paper 2
Study for Chemistry for tomorrow's mock exam

Only 3 tasks... Should be easy right? Lets wait and see.

Failing to plan is planning to fail. [Mission Failed]

2009-10-02T19:36:00.003+08:00

With only 23 days left, I'm still like a 迷途羔羊. It is also proven that i only have a 三分钟热度 for my studies. I KNOW. In the end, I will be the loser who can't even get into JC. I think I should start thinking which course to take in Poly. Eventually, I will lag behind everyone and go to a ulu school with no friends :'(

I'll set my target for this weekend:

2006 English Compre
2005 English Compre
Victoria School Physics Paper
Finish all the MCQs in the red physics TYS
Tourism
Read History TB

30 days left...

2009-09-25T18:18:00.007+08:00

It seems like I'm just not going to mug...
And I was really demoralised by Ms Joseph and Ms Oh. It seems like I have to start thinking which course I should take in poly. I need motivators, I need a PUSH. [But please la, everyone is mugging so hard and it seems like I am the only one slacking, which idiot will have the time to push you. Wake Up idiot. Nobody will care for you.]

I've asked myself these questions:

Are you smart?
Ans: Yes. Abit. But definitely not genius.

Are you lazy?
Ans: Definite YES!

Do you want to end up with loser results?
Ans: No. I will lose face in front of my friends, relatives, and the people who know me.

Okay. Everyone, lets pray that this idiot would get wake up soon and mug.

[My life is so filled with guilt and regrets. I have seriously wasted 4 years of my life completely, and ultimately, I am the LOSER.]

PS I have a very good impression of SRJC and AJC is out.

There's a big gap between us and it seems like I am NEVER going to catch up.

Countdown: 54

2009-09-01T22:15:00.002+08:00

Another lousy day of staying at home. Yes did a bit if studying, but i must admit that much more time is spent on tv. Typical me.

I did both Physics and A maths. But strangely, I did more Physics than A maths. Seriously got no mood for A maths. Can't imagine I have to sit down for four and a half hours just to do A maths. hope I won't fall asleep.

Sian-ed. My cousin and aunties and uncles and whatever coming to my house. Everytime I hear that they are coming, I will feel very unhappy. I know I very selfish and ... aiya bad. But everytime they leave I will feel very angry. My room sure turn over de. cupboards ransacked, things lying all over... Then I coward don't dare to scold them. Then they will start to fight over this over that. Nvm, I've decided to come home very late on Thursday.

Wah I think this blog hor cannot let any of my relatives see. If not I die lo. (You see coward again.) Nvm I'll put this up for only days. Make sure none of them sees it. If not they will think i useless again.
Speechless again. BB

Countdown: 55

2009-08-31T22:46:00.002+08:00

Celebrated Teachers' Day today. The concert was boring I guess... Keep dancing and dancing... Sian-ed by all those dancing. lol.
Ya anyway, I only gave out 2 of the 3 cards i did. Because I decided that Mr Lee's card too ugly then I decided not to give him lo.

Did a bit of physics, but did nothing after I come home.

I'm not in a good mood today. Very pissed off. Very very. Not very interested to say why. Anyway, I found a way whereby people can piss me off. Without fail. Lol. Quite amazing though.

Bad mood now, and nothing to blog. Off I go, bye

Countdown: 56

2009-08-30T21:50:00.002+08:00

Yet again another day wasted. Did nothing about studying...

I did three cards for teachers... Too lazy to go and do anymore cards. I guess I'll make the other teachers something after the O levels.

Went for a super short jog... I short 6 minutes jog really can kill me sia...

Wa damn speechless leh. Did you realise my post is getting shorter and shorter? lol

Ya btw, I just realise I'm broke. I'm only left with like $100++ for the next 56 days. Minus the bus fares, I am only left wiht like $50++? Hmm.. This means that I cannot go around spending my money le... Not even my favourite KFC :(
I have to tolerate... After Os I take out $1000 to spend like siao... Mius the Driving gameset I want I still have $400++? Not bad ah... Lol

IT show next week. Feel like going but somehow very reluctant to...

Ok sorry I'm really speechless.

Countdown: 57

2009-08-29T22:41:00.002+08:00

The clock is moving. Fast. But I'm not moving at all. Again, I wasted another day.

My mind is too free and it makes me think too much. The more I think, the more i think i will fail my sciences again leh.. How how how? lol

Looks like I won't be going to study tomorrow AGAIN...

My plans and targets will never be put into action...

Anways, I had a chance to go out and 'explore' myself. I simply love to be a LONER. Seriously. I felt really cool and happy when i was walking alone just now. I will definitely want to do that again!

Countdown: 58...

2009-08-28T22:25:00.003+08:00

English paper down! Paper 1 the letter I really don't know what to write. Maybe I'm not used to praising myself? LOL (BHB). The paper 2 also very chim. The passage hor... cannot understand at all..
Nothing much today... I waited for a very very long time for the FINAL physics lesson just to get all those notes that Ms Oh printed for us. I almost died of boredom.

Hmm next week is Amaths, Physics and HCl paper. Physics is the paper I fear the most. Hopw I can at least get a B la... BTW, I didn't study today :(
Tomorrow's Shell's first month celebration. Will be going to her house.

Teachers Day next week. Don't know what to buy for my teachers. Should I make a card? Or should I buy something for them?

PS nothing much to blog about today.

Countdown: 59

2009-08-27T22:17:00.002+08:00

Geography paper down for prelim 3. Seriously, it was a goner for me. I didn't study a lot, so i can only say... serves me right. For now, I'm just hoping that my common sense can help me pass that s 2 pathectic papers? [prayin]
Is really hard to imagine that I'm going to take the Os like that. I know this must not carry on. Hope that my History and SS papers will be much better. (Come on, show others that you can do it!)

Tomorrow is English paper. Haven memorise the format for the situational writing. Planning to memorise tomorrow morning. (Formail, informal, report and speech. Seems like a difficult tasks)
One thing I'm quite glad for English this time is because I started my phrasebook! How cool is that! Ya although I know a lot of people have started a long long time ago, but I'm really glad I made the effort. Lol. Haven really read through my phrasebook. Plan to do it tomorrow morning too. (Why everything leave to tomorrow? Sure not enough time de ma)

I'm really tired and I napped for 2 hours just now. Intending to sleep early today too. I don't want to fall asleep tomorrow while writing my compo or doing my comprehension! Currently reading for some good plots in the chrysalis before I turn in to bed. Good Luck everyone.

Oh ya, anyway, I have roughly draft out my goals and plans for the rest of my days to Os! (Sounds weird? lol)

Countdown: Starting from 60...

2009-08-26T22:30:00.002+08:00

With only 60 more days to the Os and only 1 day left to the last major exam (Prelim 3) in NCHS, it seems like I'm not prepared for the battle at all.

Seriously, I'm not confident in tomorrow's geography paper at all. With Only less than 10 hours left, I have only managed to browse through 3 topics, mind you, is BROWSE. And its like super pathetic can... I had always known all along that studying at the last minute will never succeed but it seems like i just don't learn my lesson. Prelim 3 consists of 50%, I cannot give up so easily...

Hope I can get rid of this 'last minute studying' habit and study for the Os soon. I will be setting my target soon and hopefully I can fins lots of motivators.

Off to geog-ing...

What's the problem?

2009-08-04T20:53:00.002+08:00

Hmm, for the pass 4 days, I seriously miss my watch a lot. Seriously i got very angry that Calvin has took my one and only precious watch away, and I swear the next time he wants to take it again, I will rather throw it out of the window then lend him. Until now, I am still very angry about that, but it sort of please me when Daddy went to buy a new one which I don't like. I was very angry and i scolded the whole family last Saturday. And my petty mother got angry over that and decided not to talk to me. Fine lo. Don't talk jiu don't talk. Can't really do anything about that. But seriously, i don't think I am wrong because I strongly believe it is their fault. Why do I have to give in to Calvin everytime? Am i is maid or something? Sometimes I'm really like the elder one instead. Mum and Dad are obviously biase towards him. But i hate it that Mum does'nt want to admit. Please la, you want to say I'm the bad one, go ahead. I don't care. I don't need your so called 'love and dote'.

After what seems like my worst day yesterday (But in actual fact its not), the thought of dropping to combine science have been haunting me. I just counted my L1R5 and I got a pathetic 24? And the worst thing of all I got a D7 for my English. OMG. Its shit. I think now like that want to go poly also difficult lo, don't even think of JC. It is only now when i start to doubt my own ability. I have always given the excuse that I'm not hardworking enough. But is that the actual fact? Or am i just plainly stupid? I really don't know. After a long time of thinking, I have stubbornly come to a decision to stay in pure science (although i screwed up my chem SPA). I will give it a last shot. LAST. I am going to work hard, somehow.

Actually, I think I'm a very fortunate person with a lot of friends around me trying to motivate me. Thanks for all the efforts made(although I stubbornly ignored).

I really hope I can find back my passion and intelligence like what i had during the times of PSLE.

My life is feel of guilt...

2009-07-16T21:31:00.008+08:00

Sometimes i really feel that I'm really unlucky, but on the other hand, very lucky. How to say leh? I think bad things keep happening to me la.

I witnessed the projector screen drop but it did'nt hit me, i witnessed Tammy toe got stuck in the escalator but I'm fine, I keep drinking coke and i did'nt get diabetes?
Of course there are a lot of other instances where i witnessed bad things. And bad things always happen to me.

I did'nt realise how much I've changed until the i see it. When have I become a person who badmouthed people and pushed the blame? When have I started to become concerned over everything that's happening? Should'nt I be a anti-social loner who sits in my room all day long and don't give a damn with what's happening in the whole wide world, and gives an expression that never change regardless of how i feel?

I don't know how badly I've hurt her today. Why is it today? Why? And why the hell did i get so enthusiastic to reply a sms? why why why? And why the hell did i get so worked up!?
I can't even forgive myself for what I've done. Never. If I were to be in her shoes, i think i will freak out. And I'm freaking out now. I know whatever i do in this whole life, I will never be able to amend for what I've done today. Whatever I do, things will never be the same again. I regret. I hate. I feel like dying. THis is the last thing in the whole wide world that I hope would happen. If i were to die tomorrow, this will be my biggest regret.

Getting older?

2009-06-25T21:26:00.007+08:00

I really don't understand my father... He is making me hate him, although i already hate him. Nowadays, he keep cursing people with all his vulgarities. And the people he's all cursing his relatives. Please la... He don't want be relatives with them i want lo... Everyone in my family dotes on me more than he does... So what he buys me all the things I want? So what he just got his CPF and have a lot of money? I don't even care. He will get his retribution, one day.

Or maybe I'm the one to pay for his sins?

No change...

2009-06-25T19:02:00.002+08:00

The Mid-Year holidays are coming to an end...

With only a few days left, I realise that i still have tons of homework undone. This is very typical of me, because i have never finished my homework on time. The end of holidays also meant that Prelim 2 will be starting soon. I suddenly feel that I fail my double sciences AGAIN and I will be forced to drop to combine science. And going to JC really seems impossible for me...

I've been trying to finish some of the undone work... So I hope everything goes well...

Sorry I've not been a good friend, but I really don't know how.

RIP

2009-06-19T21:47:00.003+08:00

10 June 2009
Second person in my family to pass away within less than 100 days. Finally, the Brain Cancer that has tortured Big Uncle for so long has taken him away.My memory of him is really vague so I don't really have any strong feelings over his death, except for feeling really angry Paid respect to him at his funeral during last Saturday and Sunday, and the last thing I wish him is, Rest In Peace.

Uhuh

2009-05-31T00:42:00.001+08:00

I think i give myself a 30 marks today...
I did not do much, but i did cut some of my tv time. Hope to see improvement tomorrow

Mixed feelings

2009-05-29T22:38:00.002+08:00

Prelim 1, as expected, is the worst examination i ever had... Although i improved a small bit as compared to last year (in terms of class position and level position), I don't think i put enough efffort to study at all... Seriously, I don't know how to face my parents and especially, Uncle WK, with this kind of results. I have about 5 or 6 Cs and at most a B3... The worst thing is, i failed Chemistry and Physics with E8 an D7!

I know I'm a very stubborn person. Actually, if you ask me why i not dropping to combine science, I also cannot give you an answer. So many people tried to pyscho me but I don't think any of those had affected me. I know its a stubborn decision, but i decided to give it a try until Prelim 2, or even Prelim 3.

I think the only reason for my lousy and bad results is that I'm not studying hard enough. I have been telling myself to study, study and study. But I always have 1001 reasons for not studying. Seriously, I'm really good at finding excuses not to study. I have sort of carved out a plan in my mind to work hard for prelim 2, hope this time I will not find anymore excuses anymore. I must get rid of that 3 digit level ranking. I really hate that.

Ok, i have also decided to cut short the ridiculous TV time (almost all the time I'm at home) by at least half, and spend the time on more meaningful things like studying or at least, complete my homework. I think all I need now is some motivation and scolding to just keep me awake and ongoing...

YES! Target set! This time must reach target! GO!

Bad mood...

2009-05-24T11:24:00.002+08:00

As expected, this is the worst exam of my life... I am going to fail a lot of subjects... This time going to break record le.. Til date, i have failed my Amsths paper 2, chemistry and physics. I think i practically fail all 3? It sucks. It totally sucks.I don't want to drop combine... I think i have to restrict myself from all the temptations and get to work soon...
Currently I'm still busy doing something... I think i wil only start work tomorrow? (I hope so)

Ok... I'm going to be LONER today to avoid some people. Seeya

Guilty

2009-05-14T16:59:00.002+08:00

I felt very guilty today... My practically let my papers flunk. I'm sitting there like a desperate candidate, crapping all i could... SURE fail. CONFIRM. No need see also know fail le... Stupid la... I wonder what i'm doing the whole day yesterday.. I think i really don't understand source base... No matter how i think nothing come out... not even for the inference part...Ms Joseph is going to say i give funny answers again. Argh! so angry... I swear i will study a bit beforehand and never fail my essays again!!!

Tmr Physics.... Good luck everyone

I really hate myself

2009-05-09T21:10:00.002+08:00

Prelim has started since Thursday.
Finished the language papers with a "God knows how i fare" mood. Languages for totally depends on my luck, so i don't think i can comment much.... But i hope the stock market is not going to crash this time.

This is going to be a long weekend for me. No school on Monday. I think i wasted today slacking... I woke up in the morning, planning to study physics, but after a few questions (which i did not know what to do), i turned on my television and my eyes did not turn away from the television! Haix... thats me, always slacking, then exam come, fail. Until now i think i still no mood to study. I swear i am going to study physics TONIGHT! AND NOW!

After that horrifying physics class test, I think I'm starting to detest Physics. For every Physics Question i do, its either i will get it wrong or worse, don't even know how to start. Its damn demoralising.

I am very worried about my Prelims. I have not confidence at all. Everytime i say want study, but in the end never. I am so easily distracted(I believe that's an excuse). Then i also so slack la. Only will say,"Sian, O levels coming, must study hard", then in the end, its just a casual remark to impress other people.

I really really want to be like Uncle WK who scored As for everything (except 1). I inspire to be like him, but its hard, until i can change my attitude.

Ok, I'm going to study Physics now. This time die die must study. Say nia, also don't know will study a not. See whether my attitude going change not...

2009-05-02T16:00:00.002+08:00

I'm really pissed of by that doctor of Big Uncle's in Malaysia. He sucks, totally. How i wish i can sue him. Anyways, Big Uncle went home i he's illness does'nt look optimistic. I wish he can wait till my exams are over.
Anyway I think its quite scary to know that you are going to die. I'm very scared one day I'll will have cancer, 4 people in my family has cancer. Eee... I think this is too scary. I don't want to die of that...

Prelim starts next week. I will try my best to study very hard, from now onwards. lol. Got back my Physics class test today. The marks are shocking. This is the first time i failed soooo badly. I was frightened by that. I hope i won't have to drop to combine sciences. Please, everyone bless me. JiaYou!

Oh my Gosh...

2009-04-30T16:31:00.002+08:00

Haix... I'm feeling very sad...

Daddy just told me Big Uncle got brain cancer, and is the last stage. I was like: 'Huh? Last month we go Malaysia for QingMing we still go visit hime leh.'

I know he's been complaining of headaches and giddiness, but his kids has sent him to hospital for checks for don't know how many times. But nothing is said about his brain.

A few weeks ago, he has to rely on the wheelchair and he could'nt take care of himself anymore. Then a few days ago, he asked everyone at home to go out and buy something for him and he attempted suicide. Luckily he is too weak and was not successful. The wound was not deep enough to kill himself. I can imagine how desperate and helpless he felt... He was sent to the hospital, again, and doctors said he got brain cancer, last stage. The stupid doctors also useless la. He has been going in and out of the hospitals for the last few months and they could'nt tell that he has brain cancer? The cancerous cells has spread to the rest of his body. Imagine the kind of pain he's going through for the last few months.

He is only waiting, for his time to come. Daddy is going to visit him tonight, at Malaysia. I feel like going. But I'm not going. Got to study...

I'm now having very bad impressions with Malaysia's healthcare, having seen so much of there incapability. Singapore is much better!

I hope he's not in pain...

Busy...

2009-04-22T20:13:00.001+08:00

Quite busy this week...
Tomorrow got A maths test, have not started studying... going to do a few questions after this.
Friday got history and chem test, then got NAPFA test, then got CCA, and also supposedly to have English Oral Practice and Physics SSL. I think is i go for all then i will reach home at like 10? lol

Plus Daddy go China, everything must do myself. Haix... He called back yesterday say he not feeling well stay in hotel room sleep. I thought this was sort of expected? Please la, he normally at home already say he very sick he very tired. Still pay $1500 to go there and sick? Luckily godfather and Ah ma there to take care of him. Angry!!! Haix... Stubborn... What to say leh? Hope god can help him and he can come back in one piece on Saturday. Sunday we going celebrate Snow's birthday, he better recover.

I know Mummy will scold me for talking nonsense... Because i everthing i say is nonsense to her... But she will never see this!!! HAHAHA!!!

Where is it?

2009-04-12T20:34:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 5. Went to mandai cemetry to pray in godfather's car... I'm really impressed with the number and amount of things that Dad can cook in one night, without much sleep. Impressive. Then went to Ah ma's house at 8+ Eat,alack, eat clack...

Eh I'm really can't get myself to be bothered with the amount of homewrok undone since don't know how long ago... And i think Uncle WK's words waoke me up a bit...Although I'm quite annoyed with all those words of wisdom by him, but i know, he's really anxious about my results more than my parents. I don't know the reason why he cares so much about my results, instead of Jonathon who will be taking his PSLE this year. Considering the fact that Prelim exams will be held exactly one month after today, i realise that i don't really have a sense of urgency. Its a bad sign... Maybe i should stay back in school to finish my homework,alone,someday.

I don't understand...

2009-04-07T21:12:00.003+08:00

This picture clearly shows how I'm feeling. Dark. Dark. Dark.

Study study study... I really can't find a motivation to do my work... But seriously i am trying very hard... I think i need a push from someone.

I admit that i have no EQ. Because I cannot read people's mind at all. I'm not sensitive to my surroundings, or rather, somwtimes i just want to keep mum and pretend i know nothing. I sort of feel something weird happening around me, but i just cannot find a reason or cause. How? I'm not that kind of person who will go and confront people to vomit out everything that is bothering me. If that really is the problem, then i think i will still remain quiet and let everything fade away... relationship as well. I really can't find a way to resolve the problem. I feel quite bothered over this. I know the gap between is getting bigger and bigger, ever since last term. I don't know what to do... So i hope as time goes by, it will help somehow... And please, forgive me for the ignorant.

My aunt passed away yesterday. I don't really know her. In fact, if you ask me how she looks like, i don't even remember. I think I've never see her before. Other than feeling a sense of sympathy for her and her family, I don't have any strong feelings about her death. According to Daddy, she was in pain yesterday morning and she died on her way to the hospital in the ambulance. She was a healthy person before that. Its like so unbelievable... People can just pass away like that. I do believe now, life is unfair. Some people can be so healthy and the next day, they can just pass away like that... Some people... Very sick... with all kinds of illnesses,like Daddy(I'm not cursing, this is just an example), but yet after much struggle, they pull through. So, conclusion is, live life to the fullest.... everyday.

Work List 3

2009-03-17T19:09:00.006+08:00

Another day in school. Tomorrow have geog test on the community based tourism and stakeholders. Going study soon. And today teacher gave MORE homework.

15. Physics WorkBook
16. ~~Passive Voice Worksheet~~
17. ~~English Comprehension~~
18. ~~Chemistry Worksheet (structure of solids)~~

Work List 2

2009-03-16T17:20:00.003+08:00

ok.. Updates on my work list. I actually missed out one yesterday.. And there's new one today! OMG! My homweork is starting to pile up... I can see a whole mountain of it on my table..

Updates:
12. ~~Chinese Compre~~
13. A Maths Ex 17.1
14. A Maths EX 18.1, 18.2

Work List

2009-03-15T20:29:00.009+08:00

Yes the march holidays are here... But sadly I still have to go back to school from Monday to Wednesday. Actually i quite like the idea of going back to school because it sort of keeps me active in doing my work.

Seriously, i have been slacking for about 4 days and i seriously did nothing..
I think i seriously need some motivation and inspiration for me to go on working.
I was very upset about my horrendous results, and i really think that the distance with my friends is really really far.. I really feel like I keep drifting away...

Emotions aside, i have to complete the list of homework and overdued homework as well, by Friday. Because i have to go to Malaysia to sao mu.. I was so reluctant to go, but for the sake of ah gong ah ma... lol

Work List:
1. ~~A.Maths Ex 16.1, 16.2, 16.3~~
2. ~~E.Maths EX 4.1, 4.2, 4.3, 4.4, 4.5~~
3. 作业
4. ~~报章报道（青少年性行为）~~
5. SBQ corrections
6. ~~English Remedial homework~~
7. ~~Physics Practical WB~~
8. ~~Oral preparation~~
9. ~~Chemical WS on Chemical analysis~~
10. 札记
11. ~~报章读后感~~

Yes its 11... 11! OMG! I believe there's more to come. Hopefully i can slash away all 11 items on the list, and maybe revise a bit of work by friday? :)

24 February 2009

2009-02-24T20:12:00.002+08:00

Headache for three days le... In a bad mood.
I FAILED my geography test!!!!!! :(
Mr Lee say going to give us back trigo test tomorrow..He mark so slow la... Hope can pass...Don't end up like my Geog test..
Physics SPA last Sat also screwed...
Looks like I'm not studying hard enough. Common Test starts on Thursday. Haven start studying yet..
Hope will get more hardworking.. I should start motivating myself. ;)

1 February 2009

2009-02-01T15:58:00.002+08:00

Chinese New Year over leh. Got quite a number of red packets. And quite a good rest.
I think i still owe a lot of teachers homework leh, sian... Then got test. But i think that's a good idea, can force me to study.
During New Year, Uncle WK gave me $100 to go and buy assessment books. He say must do then let him see. He asked me to promise him. I turned away, fingers crossed and said ok.lol. I went to POPULAR yesterday, and spent $90++ on the books.Then Uncle WS ask me to study together with Jonathon, who will be taking his PSLE this year. Hmm... sounds like a good idea, but don't know whether it works or not.
Keep eating KFC and other fast food this few weeks, and Mummy keep nagging me about it.lol.
All the homework done only halfway, i think i need to go and do now.

10 January 2008

2009-01-10T22:30:00.002+08:00

Week one of school over. All the tests flooding my brain again.

So fast in Sec 4 going to take o levels le. Still cannot accept the fact. Teachers, some ok some not very good la. But i will still try to adapt with them.

Next week chinese o levels reault release. Hope i will get A, wish me luck.

A maths test over, hope I will pass, with flying colours. lol. Next week got English Diagnostic test, ss test and E maths test. Haven revise any of them... but i hope soon...

Yesterday came home 7+, very tired, never do anything.
Today wake up at 7+, don't know why slack until 11+, eat luch and bath jiu go for th CAN event le. Then at night my cousins and Uncle WS they all come eat steamboat. So in the end NEVER do anything for these 2 days.

29 December 2008

2008-12-29T22:47:00.002+08:00

Haix... Went shopping with Uncle WS yesterday. Suffering from the after effect now... HEADACHE... Next time i don't want go shopping already... Walking in and out of the shops like walking a maze like that...

Have not touched any homework since last week. And i have decided to study Amaths first then finiah the homework. Sian... still very worried about what will happen when school reopens. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow's Calvin's birthday. But too bad he cannot come back and celebrate. And his storybooks i haven't buy yet. I think i going to buy tomorrow bah... I'll ask Daddy.

24 December 2008

2008-12-24T23:31:00.002+08:00

Ha! 21 days.... 3 full weeks since i blogged. Obviously i am just lazy. Sometimes, i tend to have a lot of things to blog about, but i am always busy and when i am free to blog, i will forget all that i wanted to blog. Ironic huh? Life's like that. lol

15 days to Amaths retest, 9 days to school reopen, 8 days to new year's day, and 0 minutes to christmas. Uncle WK treating KFC at ahma house tomorrow(WoW, my favourite!!!), and i promised to buy a log cake. And for New Year's Day, i don't know whether anyone will ask me out not. haha. School will be reopening soon, but i don't think i have completed even half of the homework.

1. 2 Online chinese Assignment - Done
3. A Maths revision Exercise 1 to 7 - i think i only did 5 questions?
4. E Maths holiday Assignment - about 30 questions. Keep getting stuck. Stupid.
5. English Compre x 3- i did 2 without summary, and 1 half done also without summary.
6. 10 Newspaper Reflection - Done 1 and 9 pasted without reflection.
7. El Phrase book - None seriously, i haven't even buy that A4 book
8. Geography- Nope
9. SS essay- Completed 2, and 1 without conclusion
10. 札记 - Done
11. 2 报章报道 - Done

Its the same as i did nothing right? lol. Actually I've threw my homework aside for quite a long time and started a bit on revising Amaths.

Chapter 1- still ok
Chapter 2- not bad
Chapter 3- i could'nt understand at all
Chapter 4- that partial fractions is a headache.

You see. That's all I've completed.

On the whole, i conclude that I've done nothing. So now, the thing is that i don't know whether to continue to do my homework or to continue with my Amaths and prepare for the retest on 8 January?

I dream every night, or rather i dream every time i sleep(Is this a disease or something? Crazy!). But yesterday's dream is so vivid in my mind till now that i am so scared that i will have the same "nightmare" tonight.

In that dream, it is 8 january 2009. Plot: In school. That retest. And because i did not study or revised as i planned earlier, i am busy asking people all the formulae. What is cotangent, what is cosecant, what is cosine, I also don't know. Scared, Panic, Frantic. My heart is crying, i am bleeding, inside.

I woke up, covered in sweat, and i stared out of the window for don't know how long. I've been thinking of it all day long, troubed, puzzled. But i dont't know who could tell it to or rather who would help.
Tomorrow is a holiday, I have decided to let my mind relax for one day and stop thinking about all these stuffs.

Calvin's Birthday on 30th. He bought his belt himself. And I'm buying "eclispe" and "breaking dawn" for him. :)

Merry Christmas!